Love Letter to (Emotional) Resilience

Boxing Resilience

Dearest Friend

I’m writing to you today because I want to get in touch with you again and to have more of you in my life – because right now, I miss you…

I see you out in the world and you are quite ‘the thing’ now aren’t you? You are bandied about in corporate circles and trotted out for magazine articles and so you’ve become very fashionable of late and I wonder if you have time for me anymore, so I’ll put my own petty predispositions to one side and unashamedly reach out to you instead.

If I think about what you are, I can chew up a dictionary and spew out a definition of you: Emotional resilience is having the ability and resources to adapt to difficult emotional situations or surprises. When you are emotionally resilient, you are more able to accept such situations and better able to adapt – rolling with the punches of life, rather than being knocked out by them.

Interesting that I should start sprinkling boxing analogies in there… But not surprising, because I have of late, starting feeling that life has been punching me in the stomach a little too often…

I like to think of myself as a strong person, but woman cannot live by thoughts and preferences alone. As an observer of mankind and myself – womankind – the kind of woman who watches and tries to lovingly learn; I have noticed how I am subject to the rhythms of my life. So I am deliberately putting some time aside to analyse the waves of those rhythms and to decide whether to swim, surf or take a boat across them. Frequently you, see, I seem to be drowning in them; so it is time to traverse, rather to tread water. What I wonder is going on with me that seems to weaken my resilience, and what steps can I take to consciously build it up again?

So if I look at myself and where my life has taken me recently – there are both external and internal considerations. I made a big change to my work / life path around 9 months ago and I realise that I am still adjusting and balancing all the options around that. I am, I now realise, missing certain elements of that old life that filled me up emotionally and psychologically, and I want to redress the balance.

The first part of that process is to be really sure of who I am and what I want to bring to the party of life. So here is my Soul Manifesto: I want to earn a good income, doing work that supports others and enervates and pushes me. I want to go beyond existing and paying bills – to a state of feeling fulfilled. That involves putting positive energy into my corporate work, my coaching and my writing.

When I am clear about what I bring to each of these activities, then that clarity gives me a surety and strength in myself; and means then that I am not so desperately vested in the misaligned words, actions and opinions of the players and partners around me – all with their own agenda; but rather that I understand what these are, and so I dance with rather than deal with other’s demons – doing a do-si-do and a step to the side, rather than an intense one on one tango.

To be honest with you, dealing with my own demons is hard enough work and I cannot serve my soul’s purpose if I am drawing daggers with other people’s devils… But frequently I forget this and find myself out there with them in the boxing ring. So I’m standing there, thinking I’ve got the friendly audience and the outfit just right and that I’ll execute a few nifty and graceful shadow moves, when… Blam!!! Suddenly and without warning I am punched hard in the stomach by my opponent – who I thought was actually my partner. But no. Biff! Duff! Thwack! Now the punches keep raining down on me, even though I am now knocked out and lying on the sawdust strewn floor finding it hard to breathe. And then I realise that I am actually beating myself up. For the love of… Ouch!!! I can’t decide which kind of punch (internal or external) is more painful…

I’m also out in the audience, watching myself from the side lines – shouting encouragement one minute, then counting to ten the next, and I think ominously that this woman on the floor has a physical disadvantage as well as an emotional demon to fight…

And that demon / disadvantage or whatever you may call it is the menopause. I feel that I haven’t weathered it well. My hormones have raged and rampaged over my life for some years now and I feel like the layers of strength and learning that I have built up around my heart have been eroded away. It is as if my emotional resilience has been burnt out – has given up, along with my body, which has been fighting the transition with all the indecorous furore of a bull in a china shop. And I’m left, naked to my emotions and therefore open to the various blows that circumstance and psyche will inevitably rain on my heart.

Out in the audience, as I watch myself sitting up slowly, with the moths of pain and pity flying round my head (instead of cartoon birds and stars), I walk over to myself and whisper in my ear, the same things that I tell my coaching clients…

“You are sitting up, you are breathing – you are safe. Acknowledge the pain – accept it and that you are in it, for now. This too shall pass. See it for what it is and choose what you want from this. Choose to learn and if you feel that you are beyond choice, then ask yourself what you would choose if you could and ruminate on those thoughts – even disassociated choice will heal and change the psyche. Analyse and accept what has happened. Don’t fight it with recriminations, angry self-talk, and victimised surmises. The surmises that equate to you making up tales and stories – ‘but they did X / I always Y, oh why, oh why’ etc.)… This is just your mind creating tall tales, it is not your reality, so change the ending. Fighting (in whatever form it takes) is always painful, so take off the boxing gloves.

It is always tempting at times like these to drug the pain – with tablets, wine, television or whatever our real or psyched pharmacy of choice is. But instead of drugging – how about distracting instead? Take a walk, take a break; breath deep and a get a change of scene and perspective – even if that is just walking into the next room.

Find a supportive friend, colleague or coach who will be a positive sounding board. Get it off your chest. Then listen – to them, and most importantly to your self – that self that goes deeper than those perceived punches in the heart. What is really going on here for you – what is the lesson to be learnt?”

And sometimes at this point I’ve seen myself and clients snap right out of it and of course, at others, it takes a little more energy to be able to get back on your feet.

Out of that imaginary boxing arena now, these are the two vital underpinning elements to bolster emotional resilience:

Firstly – consciously keeping the right company. Not just running to someone to moan and unload, but being part of a group/community where you give and take. Somewhere where you learn and teach. For some this family and friends, others combine this with being part of communities like Broadband Consciousness or Damsels in Success – any number of options are out there and available for you to explore.

Secondly – keep up a routine of self-development practices. Read the right books (and given your situation, the choice of these will change); learn to meditate, and journal. Get a notebook and as a minimum – write out 10 things / reasons / situations / people every day to be grateful for. What can you be grateful for in those emotional punches..? This is training your brain to find positive thoughts and is ultimately building your resilience.

These two practices become even better if you combine them with getting a deeper level of support from a coach or counsellor – work through your stuff – not just in times of crises, but as a matter of course / routine. Please don’t tell me that you cannot afford the time or financial investment that this will involve. There are many forms of support out there – from free to expensive. A lot of what you choose (including doing nothing) will depend upon your concept of value, but where ever there is a will, there is a way, so find the right resources to invest in yourself.

A constant positive self-analysis along with supportive guidance, is a powerful combination. The external support means that you have a wealth of resources to draw on. The inner practices – that you can be more simultaneously wise and resilient, because you keep up a constant and conscious practice – meaning that you become humble enough to keep learning, and quiet enough to let the answers come to you, all in in their own good time.

How you do all this is part of this process, you will inevitably experiment with what works best for you and don’t think that you will find one easy source for all this support. By varying what you do, you will strengthen what you do – as with most things in life – don’t put all your eggs in to one basket.

So, my friend Resilience – of course in clichéd fashion, I find that you have been with me all along – I had just forgotten you, but knew secretly too that you were always there within me. And if I have been stripped back, and emotionally laid bare, then all to the good – it is time to build myself up again – to be better, and to be more. Always of course, with a little help from my (internal and external) friends.

So now, my emotional vulnerability becomes my learning and of course my ultimate strength and turns back in to my emotional resilience.

Thank you my friend, for all that you give me: the love, the learning and the strength to serve – myself and so too then, the world.

Yours, with dancing feet and dry eyes…

S xXx

PS: Did you know that a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of loss, love and life in all their gore and glory? This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, what ever it holds for you… You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites any where in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)

Swaying, Sashaying and Swinging into September!

So summer, is still here and segwaying into September… a time to start again, a time to create dreams and fire works (and we’re not talking about Bonfire Night here!).

Let’s keep on enjoying the summer ambience – isn’t it great to make the most of weather, enjoy time outside and know that it is the perfect time to relight the fire in your belly..?

You know – that entrepreneurial spirit bursting to get out – once the summer is over it will be time to take action!

As Autumn gently reaches out to me, I am contemplating the absolutely amazing year I’ve had already – one where I have published TWO books, won a ‘Women Inspiring Women’ Award and seen my business continue to grow and thrive… It is has been real pinch my self stuff!  In all honesty it hasn’t all been plain sailing, but then life never is in my experience! I love how (Women’s Personal Development Community) Damsels in Success Founder Lucie Bradbury says it can be about not having a good day, but a good moment!


Me at the F-Factor Video shoot… living the dream

And being a Damsel in Success myself has meant that I do two very specific things to ensure both my sanity and success:  Firstly to reach out and ask when I want support (my natural tendency is to hide under a stone and cry!), being specific about what I want; and secondly if something is a STRUGGLE, then I stop!  I don’t push on regardless, resentful and hurtful.  I pause, I rest and I recalibrate… Sometimes this takes seconds and sometimes weeks, yet the world keeps turning and when I focus on what is important, the wheel will turn my way, when it’s time to catch up!  Two really simple things, yet they make a world of difference…

So that was MY world.  To support YOU in getting back to business with a bang, I’ve got some amazing September events planned for you:

Firstly – Join Networking Mummies Founder Laura and myself as we get you ‘Blogging for Business’ – for just £15.00, at our workshop in Leamington Spa, Warks, on 10 September.  Want to know more?  Follow this link for the low down.

Next, on 13 September it is time to ‘Find Your F-Factor’ at our Master Class and Book Launch in London.  Damsels in Success has created a blueprint for women to live the lives they want and get inspiration and support along the way… We are sharing our strategies on how to do this in a series of master classes, with the authors of the Damsels in Success book The F-Factor; and then we will celebrate with champagne, networking and an all around fabulous live event, which will change your thinking and make your life as a woman easier and more satisfying.  I still have a limited number of tickets left at £59.00 – read the reviews and check out the details here...

Pssst – by the way: if you purchase these tickets from the Damsels in Success central office, you will be charged £59.00 plus VAT.  Buy them from ME and they will be VAT free, saving you £11.80!

The Wyndham Hotel, Chelsea Harbour, in London – our Master Class venue

And then, on 18 September, it is time to ‘Get Back to Business’ – at the Damsels in Success local live event for women in Ashby de la Zouch, designed so that 2013 ends the way you want it to…

At Damsels in Success we know that the best way to take action is to focus on your ‘business agenda’ and then produce a realistic plan for the rest of the year.

We also know it doesn’t have to be scary, and your local Damsels in Success group is here to help you every step of the way.  You see, at the next meeting (Book your seat by clicking here)

  • You’ll gain absolute clarity & confidence
  • So you will have all the tools
  • And the vision to create YOUR business plan

September’s local Damsels in Success meeting is all about taking ACTION:

  • It’s time to put it into practice
  • To turn your ideas into results, with
  • No more sitting on the fence
  • No more procrastinating
  • No more waiting for the perfect moment

It’s time to get your tailored ‘business plan’ ready

  • It must get you excited
  • It must get you motivated

BECAUSE you’ll have more chance of taking action

And Action = RESULTS!

Here are more benefits waiting for you when you book your seat for your local Damsels in Success meeting!

You’ll discover:

  • How to make the rest of this year count and end it with a bang
  • Why you MUST Get clear on your plan so you can take massive action
  • How to put pen to paper and produce a Business Plan that any bank manager would be proud of!
  • Why you should ‘Publically’ commit to a specific project – to complete by the end of year, and what will happen if you don’t and
  • How to Receive SUPPORT & RESOURCES & ACCOUNTABILITY to ensure you have ‘Success with Ease’.

Attend this meeting and you’ll be glad you did

Plus

YOU’LL BE READY TO ROCK THE REST OF THE YEAR!

Click here to reserve your free place and I look forward to seeing you, at a national or local Damsels’ event very soon!

With warm regards
      Sandra
Sandra Peachey
Coach, Author and Director at Damsels in Success

PS: If you are interested in becoming a Damsels in Success Director, with a business that grows both you AND your clients, whilst being supported by a friendly and professional team, here are all the details…

Check out my book – Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life as featured in Local Press, the BBC, Psychologies & The Lady
Winner at the 2013 ‘Women Inspiring Women’ Awards
Nominee in two categories in the ‘Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers & Consultants’ Awards, 2012 & 2013


Tel. 07921 494363
www.peacheydays.co.uk
www.peacheyletters.co.uk

What is the F-Factor?

I am delighted to say that first of all – the F-Factor is my second published book, within seven months!

I really have to pinch myself that I am now a published author – full stop!  It has been my dream since childhood and when I saw my first book ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ in print, for the very first time – I cried happy tears solidly for 5 minutes, as it was literally the culmination of so many desires, dreams and wishes for me.

Quite simply I was born to be a writer, but for long years and decades, it was ‘just’ a dream, floating in and out of my consciousness, never to be realised.  I knew I could write, but I never took any action, until one day when I absolutely knew, with complete certainty that the time was right.  Within 2 minutes I had a concept and a title and so I set myself a challenge to write a ‘love letter to life’, every day for the Valentine month of February.  Within a year it was published, and life has never been the same…

Now I know that I have always had the desire and talent to be a writer, yet I wonder without Damsels in Success if this ever would have actually happened?  Life has many possibilities, yet I know that my book ‘Peachey Letters’ is most definitely the result of my being a Damsel in Success member and Director!

Why? When I had the idea to write, as a ‘Damsel in Success’ I recognised all the signs that said, ‘this is right, this is your time’ and I also knew what the obstacles would be – mainly that I would not take action and follow this through.  So I set myself a public challenge and started posting my daily ‘love letters to life’ on a blog.

And I have had hundreds of ideas for books, films, poems, songs, etc, etc run through my brain in my long life time… But never had I dreamed of writing about such personal issues in such a public domain.  Yet the time was right, the subjects were right and still… Still I feared being judged, still I feared being seen as some mad middle-aged woman spilling her emotional guts to a world that wouldn’t be interested.

So the first people I shared my letters with were the Damsels in Success community – we have a private online Forum, and on midnight of the day I wrote my first letter, I gingerly posted the link and went to bed cringing about airing my ‘stuff’, yet knowing that I was compelled to do it.

The next morning I woke up to a whole plethora of comments… I had written my first letter to my dear dad, who left this life 30 years ago, and here are just some of the responses I received that day on the Damsels Forum…

“Wow, that letter to your father is so touching. Brave writing Sandie. 

Sandie this letter to your Dad is so beautiful I cried … I thank you for your wonderful open hearted letter

I shouldn’t have read that, I now have a wet face… My dad … I love him dearly and this beautiful letter is a reminder of all of the good stuff to be treasured. Thank you – blubbering of South Wales.

Wow, what a wonderful letter to your Dad, Sandie. I last wrote to my Dad a couple of years before he died … I’ve had a bit of a blubbery morning of it so far (good stuff!) so thank you! Blubbering of Cambridge (wonder if that means I’m related to Blubbering of South Wales!)

That is such a beautiful letter to your Dad, Sandie – made me shed a few tears …

Wow, Sandie, that is fabulous, and I love that picture of the two of you together, such a picture of a strong man, giving you the support to be you!

Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous – thank you for sharing Sandie, such a beautiful idea, these letters will make an amazing book.”

And there it was on day one, after only one letter – people were telling me that I should publish a book!

A year later ‘Peachey Letters’ was published and featured widely in national and local press.  Then, a  month or so later, along with my sister Directors, I started work on the Damsels in Success Book…

This was a very different experience… The first one was written on my own – now 9 authors were sitting down to write one book!  I was excited and curious to see how it would all unfurl, and unfurl it did… This time I had one chapter and some other bits and pieces to write, and it was all effortless and completely joyful.  At Damsels in Success one of our mantras is having ‘success with ease’ and it was all that and more.

I chose which theme to write my chapter about and that was ‘choice’!  I am passionate about women having the realisation that they really can live the lives they choose to and to give them the tools and support to make their dreams come true.  I realised my own dreams of becoming a writer and a coach, and I demonstrate how I did this in my part of the book.

Times this formula by 9 and it creates magic!  And it is not just about the writing – nine women and our supporting team have collaborated on every aspect of the book – we all had a say in the cover, we all proof read each other’s chapters, to mention but a few of the processes that go on behind the pages.  It has been a gorgeous exercise in creating within a co-operative – with ease, with joy and with shared momentum and excitement.  And it is our gift to the world of women…

What IS the ‘F-Factor’ then???

The F-Factor provides the blueprint for you, as a woman, to live your life to the full.  It will reveal your truly feminine heart – allowing you the permission and freedom to live as you choose, while giving the best possible love and support to those around you, too.

Nine extraordinary women have come together to share one special message – how to have ‘success with ease’ – as a female entrepreneur, and in all other areas of your life.

“If you are about to or have taken that amazing leap of faith into an ocean of possibilities and potential, then this book is your navigator… be prepared for an exciting adventure”.
~ Abi Griffiths: TV Presenter for BBC 2, Channel 4, etc

Part wisdom, part philosophy and part support, The F-Factor is also packed full of learning and practical exercises.  At the very core of the book too, are the life stories that shaped the women behind the fabulous female phenomenon of Damsels in Success – showing us that with the right strategies and support, women every where can live the deeply satisfying lives they choose.

“The F-Factor is a delightful book filled with heartfelt stories from ordinary women who decided to choose extraordinary. It’s filled with inspiration and it is packed with food for thought, which will get you thinking and will be a perfect ‘anywhere and anytime’ read for women who know that there is so much more to their lives.
~ Sarupa Shah, The Soul Agent. No. 1 best selling Author, intuitive Business Coach and Spiritual Teacher. www.sarupashah.com

The F-Factor combines the wisdom of not just the authors, but a whole national community of Damsels in Success members – women who come together to share learning, love and support.  Now for the very first time, this wisdom has been distilled into print – to reach out and touch a whole new audience.

“Reading this book is just like being in a Damsels in Success meeting. These vivacious women share their own experience and their wisdom to help us to live fulfilling, authentic and successful lives. From the deepest connection with ourselves, to the job we do and what we wear, we are shown how we can make liberating choices. If you are a woman who thinks there could be more to life, this book is for you.”
~ Harriet Stack: Writer, Lawyer and Damsels in Success Member. www.harrietstack.com

–o0o–

On 13 September Damsels in Success are hosting a series of F-Factor Master Classes and will be celebrating the launch of the book with networking and champagne (of course) in London.

Attend ‘Find Your F-Factor’ and discover how to attract in those things you have always wanted – what are they for you??? Clients, Relationships, Money, or Opportunities???

This book launch is NOT like any seminar or event you’ve attended before.

During this live event, we will share:

  • What makes the difference between success and failure
  • How to tap into your dreams and take the right steps to achieve them
  • How to position your gifts and get your message out to the world
  • How to transform your life in a very positive way
  • How to make your work or business work – even if everything you’ve tried before has failed

You’ll also take away something that can change your life forever…

“SUCCESS WITH EASE!”

The 9 authors, including Damsels in Success CEO Lucie Bradbury, and myself, will be presenting your Master Classes:

Lucie Bradbury

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CEO and Founder of Damsels in Success

Lucie Bradbury is my mentor, friend and the UK’s Feminine Potential Expert, and last but not least, Founder of Damsels in Success (DIS). Damsels in Success don’t do business like anyone else and our mantra is ‘Success with Ease’. With the help of her team of DIS Directors, Lucie supports the female entrepreneurs to live their dream lives – as thought leaders and change makers in the world.

Lucie also founded the ‘Women Inspiring Women Awards’ to recognise the achievements of women who are fabulous role models, and brings together the UK’s most inspirational & aspiring women at the annual summit IGNITE! Lucie is wife to Dan (together they are making a big impact in the world of personal & business development), mum to Summer (4) and Jenson (2), and has mentored many women to create & grow feminine lifestyle businesses… All this, & she only works 1 day a week!

In her ‘Find Your F-Factor’ Masterclass, Lucie will be showing you how you can create the first class cultural conditions to give you The F-Factor to attract everything that you want in your life (clients, men, money, opportunities)
______________________________________________________________________________________________

Sandra Peachey (me!)

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Damsels in Success Director – Burton on Trent

I am a writer, Business coach, and Director of Damsels in Success Burton on Trent. The F-Factor is my second book following the publication of ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ in February 2013’. I work with Corporates, Womanpreneurs and small businesses, ensuring that they reach their goals, targets and live out their dreams. I also write for magazines and regularly appear on BBC Radio. ‘Peachey Letters’ received rave reviews in local and national press, including Psychologies Magazine, The Lady and Best Magazine.

During my ‘Find Your F-Factor’ Masterclass, I will be giving my insights into what freedom of choice really means for the way we live our lives and what magic can happen when we choose to fly!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

And that is just for starters, there will be MORE master classes, networking and celebration within a fabulous high vibration group and environment.

To find YOUR F-Factor – you can sign up for a copy of the book, celebration, champagne and master classes for just £59.00 or you can choose the VIP Upgrade – all of the above, plus loads of extras AND an additional workshop with Lucie Bradbury, revealing how we created the phenomenon of the F-Factor…

The F-Factor Launch will be a day where you will learn, celebrate and connect, and it could just change your life…

To find out more and to buy your tickets – check out this link…

With warm regards, laughter and excitement.

   Sandie
Sandra Peachey
Coach, Author and Director at Damsels in Success

Check out my book – Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life as featured in Psychologies, The Lady & Best Magazine
Winner at the 2013 ‘Women Inspiring Women’ Awards
Nominee in two categories in the ‘Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers & Consultants’ Awards, 2012 & 2013


Tel. 07921 494363
www.peacheydays.co.uk
www.peacheyletters.co.uk

Time for My Second Book to be Published…

I still have to pinch myself that I am publishing my second book in a year!

This time, the book is a collaboration with the Directors of Damsels in Success.  I have been involved with this fabulous female phenomena since its’ earliest days when the first group was created in Warwick.  That was five years ago, we have grown from one group to 15 and now, with the release of our book, we are set to share our success strategies for women to an even wider audience.

The distilled wisdom of Damsels in Success is now enscapulated in our our published work ‘The F-Factor’.

It has been all systems go at Damsels central as we polish the book to perfection, film the promo video and organise the Book Launch and Master Class, set for Friday 13 September.

It is going to be a fantastic event held at the Wyndham Grand Hotel, at Chelsea Harbour in London.  And you will be attending not just a launch – but a Master Class too…

Why a Master Class?
We will be teaching the strategies that we reveal in the book, live – and yes – I will be one of the presenters up there on stage sharing how to live and love the life you choose!  And after the Master Class we will officially launch the book and wet her head with champagne!  We are already receiving rave reviews, which you can check out here…

As part of the package you will also receive a copy of the book, get to network and be part of a fantastic high vibration event.   Tickets are now on sale at just £59.00.

There is also a very special VIP Upgrade, which will include: a goodie bag, lots of additional freebies from the Damsels Directors, PLUS an additional Master Class with Damsels’ Founder Lucie Bradbury on how a team of 9 women came together and created a phenomenal book and an amazing marketing process.

Which ever option you would like, check out all the details here…

If you have any comments or questions on any of this, please let me know???

Well, that is more than enough excitement for now – enjoy the rest of your summer!

With love and laughter
      Sandie
Sandra Peachey
Coach, Author and Director at Damsels in Success

Check out my first book – Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life as featured in Psychologies, The Lady & Best Magazine
Winner at the 2013 ‘Women Inspiring Women’ Awards
Nominee in two categories in the ‘Association of Professional Coaches, Trainers & Consultants’ Awards, 2012 & 2013

Tel. 07921 494363
www.peacheydays.co.uk

Letter 27: To Me

27 February 2012

Dear Me

Well this one – the letter to Me, feels in so many ways like the hardest letter to write …

Where to start ..? How about before the beginning … I’ve got a real sense that I wanted to come into this life … that I chose to be born, that I jumped up into the universal ether and said ‘me, me, me please!’ And yet how many times in my life did I wish that I had never been born … Yes … so much emotional pain, so many tears; and then again how much love and laughter has there been ..?

What can I tell myself here? That it is all perfect, that it is bonkers, that it is beautiful to be me …

And I wonder how I reached where I am and then I look back at the tide marks in my life. And always it comes back to this – one hot summer day, a 6 year old me ran across the road to get an ice cream from the ‘ne nah’ van, and the man in the van misheard me and gave me a lolly instead. And when I ran back, crossing the road, I was knocked down by a car and never got to eat my treat.  Now all things considered it wasn’t so serious and soon I walked and ate ice cream again; but I still bear scars from that day to this day, and part of me has often wondered if I have EVER got over the habit of looking the wrong way and getting crushed as a result …

And on the path to adulthood there have been bullyings and beatings and there have been swings and roundabouts. And I remember sunshine and laughter too, I remember family and friends and seaside happiness. I remember pets, dresses, love and arguments all mixed in to the melee of my memory. The path to me, always being me, always now. Yet so often wanting tomorrow, wanting the day to be different, the place to be different, to be with different people; yes, hankering constantly to be away from me, today …

So Dear Me, what defines me now? My nature, my nurture, my memories, my life’s search, my research – to me? They all play their part. I was born with blue eyes – nurture and life’s literal happenings have never changed that. I am naturally influenced by the people I grew up alongside, walking this path through our lives, sometimes in slow motion and sometimes in quick step. My memory fluctuates – much of my childhood has disappeared into a vacuum … I try to remember land mark birthdays … strangely gone, void … yet still – here I am.  And always there were choices, whether I knew that at the time or not … And I chose and then I chose again and so I chose to be me.

So how would you describe, label or define Sandra Peachey?: daughter, sister, friend, cousin, aunt, niece, Miss, Ms, colleague, boss, teacher, coach, goddess, sex kitten, author, dancer, actor, artist, singer, girl friend, mother (to be), wife (to be), Human Resources Manager, shop assistant, cleaner, cat lover, siren, muse, house wife, gourmet, chef, joker, lover, Leader, Queen of Support, Circe, Cassie, Sandy, Sandie, San, dog breath, Peaches, bitch, angel, saviour, role model, nemesis, babe, babes, bab … the list could quite possibly be endless. What a fabulous, never ending lexicon of my life, of me … And where will the list go on to?

And these labels are opinions, are subjectivities, are passing thoughts … Who am I really??  I am love, I am creativity, I am giver and nurturer, I am laughter, I am the gravitational pull that guides people into their own true orbit, into their own beauty and light.  You may or may not really see me or hear me, yet that doesn’t matter.  I will be visible where I need to be.  But if you DO see me, then you will FEEL me too.

There have been ups and downs, there have been past regrets. Yet no ‘now’ regrets, for all that has happened has led to me now, and where else could I be? Who else could I be? I chose constantly, I live free, I create, I prescribe, I revive. I was born blonde and I stayed blonde; accident prone and lovable; clever and loquacious; attractive and sensitive: me, me, all me.

Now as a love letter, where does the love come in to all this, Dear Me? Well as it happens, I was definitely born to love: to give love, to receive it, to spread it, to write about it, to be it. And the hardest thing, so often, is to love myself. Yet love myself I do: I must, for from that springs the rest – of that comes the best, of me.  And my letters are not just love, they are catharsis and celebration too and so I dare praise myself, just as so often, I have chided myself – yet now is always the time to rejoice!

And my letters are gratitude – so I give immense thanks for those who are in this theatre of my life – in the audience and on the stage.  I have toddled, walked, crawled, danced and ran through my life with a whole cast of characters: some have stayed, many have gone; and the Acts have moved on and the scenery has changed, and who knows where the plot will end. I feel there MUST be rapturous applause at the curtain call, for after all – being me deserves that – doesn’t it?

So Dear Me – I applaud you / me! Here’s your standing ovation – your love letter, your magnum opus. My love in a letter, my life in a letter – Dear Me, that IS me … for now … There’ll be more …

For ever yours,

   Sandra xx

PS: The ‘Letter to Me’ and all my letters have now been published – follow the link here to find out more…

Letter 15: To Every Woman

15 February 2012

Dear Gorgeous

I am writing to you – ‘Every Woman’ with so much love in my heart.  You, who represents all of our sister kind, you who is every woman out there, in what ever shape, how ever you are dressed – body AND soul …

What is not to love about woman?  We are the miracle of this planet, we create, we care, we are the very blood in the veins of life, in every degree.  Yes, man is there too and I acknowledge his role, his shape; but this is YOUR letter my gorgeous Goddess xxx

And I know you in so many ways, as Goddess, Damsel, Crone, to name but a few of our flavour, our hue …

For so many of us, our lives in this modern mess of life, are a dichotomy.  We always knew, through out the millennia and the recent centuries, that behind every great man there’s a great woman and slowly, in this Westernised world, our voices came out from the nursery and the kitchen sink.  Then in our own mother’s and grandmother’s histories, man’s war took the men from our hearth and we kept the home fires burning and we fed those fires and we manufactured the killing machines of war, keeping the life of our nations, turning.  And still we loved and danced and made babies …

And then our free-er daughters ran free, stepping in the masculinity of sex with choice, work with trousers and the heady prizes and loneliness of leadership.

So my wonderful woman, like children we have tested our boundaries and we lived tied by kitchen sink chains for millennia and then we tried suits and swagger for our recent decades.

And yet despite all this being out there in the ether of the earth; I know I dreamed as a small child of being a beautiful Damsel, waiting to be rescued by a prince on a white horse; and a field of multi coloured horses have galloped by since … So the waiting Damsel became a Damsel in Distress, turned bitter by lack of love and worn out from driving the wheels of the man’s world of work and play.

So many of us fabulous females know this story, this dichotomy of being pulled so many ways – being bound into a life of straitened female destiny (wife, mother) AND an endless modern male morass of choice and push (wage earner).

So many of you my sisters, have started to seek, to live, to be, to find the Third Way in our ‘her’ history, our her story, our herstory.   To cherish the many millennia of our mothers and to honour our recent female fore bears their trail blazing to our modern day selves.  We seek to heal, to redress and accept the many faceted female characteristics that make us, and to take them and make them our own; forming new paths in this wonderful womanly world.  To transform from a ‘Damsel in Distress’ to a new archetype – the ‘Damsel in Success’.  Having our cup cake and eating it, wearing the shoes we chose, to walk down the streets, up the mountains and along the path ways where we dare to dream the way forward …

That was and is my journey, to being a Damsel in Success, to finding my way; making the path easier by knowing, loving and being myself, in all my girl glory.

I chose to be a Damsel in Success, in the form that works for me, facing life as part of the fabulous feminine-kind that I was born to and I know now – born for.  Knowing my self is being woman; woman who was man made and can be man, sometimes, when the occasion is called for … to take charge, be business like … then back to blonde, back to girl, back to friend, back to mother …

So from me back to you – Every Woman.  So many of us sisters are finding the Third Way now and we come together – to learn, to share, to support and to lead the way – the third way: some to trail blaze, some to shine a soft light on the world of woman AND of man and of course of our co-creation – child …

With women’s hearts, as natural creatures of love, the combined power of our feminine pulse is immense.  So feel that feminine power, the strength of sisterhood, the love of many millions of good women … each one an amazing piece of nature and then nurturer of dreams, of babies, of creations and so we are back to love – again; my gorgeous, fabulous, Every Woman …

    With lots of love and chocolate

              S xxx

PS: As a ‘Damsel in Success’ I must honour and acknowledge the organised sisterhood of the same name, of which I am part; and of which I am both member and leader.  An early convert to the cause, I have the joy and privilege to work alongside it’s founder Lucie Bradbury and all of the fabulous team she has given birth to and nurtured; to support women to live the life of their own success, with natural feminine ease.  She has presented so many of us with the choice and opportunity to see and walk the Third Way, and my love and gratitude can know no bounds for that … S xxx

PPS: You can find out more at: www.damselsinsuccess.co.uk, where you will find your local UK group – and you can see ME in action at the Burton on Trent group …  S x

[PPPS: Dear Reader, if you liked this letter, you can buy your own hard copy of the complete book by following this link…]

Lucie Bradbury, my ‘Angel in Chief” & the next generation of Every Woman, her daughter Summer Grace …