My dear Apostle
Well here we are, in a newish relationship, and me being me, that comes with a mixture of emotions – positive and negative. Dating in middle age comes with a whole set of intricacies that I never ever envisaged (hot flushes for example, have definitely taken on a whole new meaning) and of course, at least two sets of baggage.
Yet today I’ve decided to transmute baggage into learning, and anxiety into appreciation.
We’ve been together for a short enough time that sometimes it still feels strange, and long enough that somehow it feels like we’ve been an item for our own infinity.
I find myself dwelling on the difficulties that come with our being together (or not as the case may be) and bemoaning them, though I try not to communicate all that to you. I decide instead to commute it – filtering it away or boiling down it down to sound bites of reasonable requests and latent ideas. I did choose you after all…
Oh, but sometimes the frustration spills out of me in real time and I get stroppy (I’m blaming the menopause…). I apologise for that, but also think that some of the barbs I come out with at those terse times are – in my own funny opinion – really hilarious. They lighten the mood, (the one about the voodoo doll is my personal favourite)…
I often muse that one of the reasons I chose you, is that there are hurdles to climb and that those same hurdles – which drive me crazy at times – also slow me down in a good way. So for me this means that I don’t ‘run ahead’ – planning and imagining as is my wont, other than in the short term. It also means that I am practicing patience (which I don’t tend to be very good at) and have chosen to live with what we have, in the present.
So in the present I am pondering all the gifts you come with and here are just a few of them:
- When we have a real conversation, about life, our histories and any old random stuff.
- When you hug my friends good bye.
- The look you gave me at the end of our first date.
- That you are such a good snogger (halleluiah!).
- When you take my head in your hands and give me that kiss…
- When you pull me in for a hug and sigh happily, like it’s the best thing in the whole world.
- You, me, and the cat, with our feet / paws all lined up on the sofa, in purring harmony.
- That you wiggle your foot at me in a ‘come closer way’ if I’m sitting too far away from you.
- Seeing you in Andrex dad mode – soft and strong, all at once.
- The sense of contentment.
- That you are a happier person than the one I met a while ago… I’m taking some of the credit.
- The ‘night, night’ texts you send when we’re not together.
So I wanted to write an appreciation of you with words that ground me in the positive present and have no expectation beyond this moment of gratitude. They are a simple celebration of what is.
Sandra Peachey – Lover and Writer
I’m also variously known as:
* The Director of LifeWork Consultancy & Coaching;
* The Author of Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life and Co-Author of The F-Factor. You can buy them both on Amazon (in paperback or Kindle) by clicking on the hyperlinks above or else on most bookseller websites around the globe. Your local bookshop may even sell them, or you can ask them nicely to order them in and stock them high;
* A 2015 International Book Awards Finalist, in the Women’s Issues Category;
* The Winner of a Women Inspiring Women Award in 2013;
* As being shortlisted for Women’s Coach in the APCTC Awards 2014, also nominated in 2012 & 2013; and
* Being nominated for a Networking Mummies National Recognition Award in 2015.