Self Forgiveness ~ A poetic prayer

FORGIVENESS PRAYER

~ Adapted by me, from the original, by Jonita D’Souza

I forgive myself
for having made those mistakes.
Had I known better,
I would have chosen differently.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for having felt hurt when I didn’t feel loved and wanted.
They never promised me they would, so it was just my unmet expectations.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for believing them when they said I’m unworthy.
They didn’t see my light and spoke out of their own shadows.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for feeling scared and getting hurt when they acted out their anger.
I know now it was not about me – it was their own inability to cope with life.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for the suffering when I felt I didn’t belong.
It made me journey inwards and find my spirit, my true home.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for feeling let down.
They did what they believed was right – my hurt came from what I expected of them.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for having believed that my love is worthless.
My love is precious – but they were too hurt to open up to it.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for having learnt not to love myself.
I accepted it was right not to care about myself, but now I know who I am.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for accepting things that were directed against me.
They were just events that took place because the doers were not happy with their life.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for having given my power away and letting them decide for me.
I felt fear or didn’t know better, but now I’m ready to learn.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for having expressed hurtful judgements of myself, which made me judge others too.
I’ve finally tasted the sweetness of love over the bitterness of the (self) critique-poison.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
for believing I’m unable, I’m small, I don’t count.
I allow myself to acknowledge the truth that I have gifts and I’m worthy.
So I forgive myself.

I forgive myself
that it took me so long to learn to forgive, again.
But I was willing to learn, again.
So now I forgive and respect myself more and more, always.

With huge thanks and absolute credit – in every way, to the original author: http://jonitadsouza.com/a-prayer-for-forgiveness/

Poem to a Departed Pet

LIFE AFTER LOSING GEORGE…
Myself and the remaining pride of cats are adjusting…
~ I’m writing poetry…
~ My self contained, independent black teddy bear of a Tom cat – Taz has turned in to a constant fuss bucket…
~ Whereas my sweet, noisy, attention seeking little Miss – Sophia, has largely withdrawn (but gave me a lovely long cuddle this evening before disappearing off to hide again).
I’m so glad of them ❤

I carry my aching heart invisibly. An icicle of pain at its core. But still it will spill, and so the ice melts from my eyes…

My shimmering shades of grief make a rainbow of love and loss, Raining down a tumbling waterfall of tears.

And I choose not to fight the pain; But to cradle it with compassion. As it sits and shapes within.

Sometimes I’m gripped with horror… Or I’ll re-live the latent trauma Of caring for a creature at his life’s end.

But at the time, I was in care mode. All that mattered was calm and comfort As I watched his breath rise and fall.

Then I’ll think ‘My boy is gone’ and weep. There are quiet leaking eyes or loud ugly sobs; So many kinds of tears tear or seep from me.

And my grief will take its own time. I’ll just let it take its wandering course. No medicating or predicating – just let it be – pure and raw.

You see, I’m BLESSED with this sadness. I’ve cared, fed, fussed and hugged. Sharing my life with one of God’s beautiful creatures.

It’s a simple, primal love That sits softly in the heart, as I carry on. And now its’ shape shifts, since

He has finished with the time that was only HIS to give.

Some very kind souls have asked about making gifts or contributing to a memorial, so I have suggested they make a donation to Birman Welfare & Rescue – a lovely group of caring cat people – here’s the link (if you would like to put something toward this cause too) xx

https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8qYFi4iv2u?fbclid=IwAR0SVR98YpLGb0a44G7IzO62VlaumeOnGAFUuWyvkPc6hN35GZAh_f5zHK0