Letter to Loss

22 July 2012

Dear Loss

How complicated you are – you heinous thing – that thing which I have felt so much of in my life.  And yet I call this a ‘love’ letter … So, Dear Loss, let me explain, expand and elaborate …

I woke up this morning with a sense of creeping dread.  My mother died 6 days ago and in another 4 days comes her funeral.  My mother’s funeral … As my senses came to, on the morning of this day, I was permeated with the weight of horror and fear.  And then the vile bile of anger took me over …

Yes, anger pushed its’ fist into my heart, because I invited people to join me at my mother’s service and there is, so far, silence … apparently no one is coming … Then that evil, chiding voice says to me “So … those people who share your happy existence don’t give a damn about your sad times – your life is clearly a sham …”

Now in my innermost and knowing self, I realise that this voice takes over and holds you in it’s terrible thrall, especially at times like this; and it takes you down a long tunnel, where you stumble, blindly in the darkness and you cannot see what you actually have – which is – in day light reality – so very much …

The fact is, if I really choose to count, there are two particular people who it is my dearest wish be there on that Farewell Funeral Day – those being my brother and my mother’s best friend.  And of course, there will be more: friends, family, my mother’s circle … Some to bid farewell and some come to support me. And suddenly it comes back to me, in clear consciousness, what I always knew – that ten people or one hundred – if for no other reason than that is how it is, they will be the perfect ones to be there …

My own sense of significance and drama had briefly demanded more attention … Yet my mother’s passing will be marked, as we – the living – need to demarcate such turning points in our lives – to focus our loss on, and provide the means to say farewell, so we can move onwards in our own living time.  And for me the most impelling cause for a funeral is to celebrate a life having been lived, a life which has been part of your life.  There are many ancient reasons why, even in this electronic and eclectic modern age, we practice such ceremonies around birth, marriage and death …

This limbo between time from death to funeral is extreme and emotional, it has shifted the axis of my world – so my demons come out to dance on my dreams and dine on my exposed flesh.  I name and recognise these satanic creatures, and then I choose instead, to dance with the angels.

You see there I was with the expectation of attention and response.  Yet I know that there are many reasons why people do not reply and do not come, and how I feel about this is my own business – it is purely my own response to what I have put out there (which is after all an invitation, not a demand) and is in no way provoked by any one else.  And then I know that so often I have a choice about how I can feel … so having wallowed in my fear and anger, I have now let it go.  It is part of my process of processing what has happened; and now, at this time of writing, I am in a quiet space of reflection and acceptance that it will all be as it should.  This newer, positive sense comes from the pure me, the one who chooses the path of light, not the tunnel.  And verily, the dark demon of negativity still grabs me and tries to drag me down that tunnel; but I know, always, there is light at the end of it.

And we all do what we can, with what we’ve got … I had thunderbolt moment about this when someone called me to offer her support and condolences … she is going through her own very tough times at the moment, and she recalled all the offers people give at these trying times … to be there if asked … to do anything for you – if asked; and the thing is, usually no one does ask …  Well now, she said, she had decided to do SOMETHING … as much as she could manage right then, which was to offer me ‘a cuddle and cuppa’.  And I was so touched and it was a wake up call for me … me, who so many times has said, ‘just let me know if you want anything’ and then leaves it at intention … because I don’t want to intrude, or I’m busy, or my own life takes over or it’s not a priority.

And all these things are valid in their season … but may be, just may be, we could just all pause and wonder what we can do ‘beyond the words’, beyond our own small worlds, at times like these; and if that is sending our love and good wishes, then good … Yet, just for now, please support me in expanding my own horizons by considering the possibility of doing a thing, of actually paying it forward, as well as sending out a possible promise …

And I have received many such treasures in this limbo time … so much love, so much support, hugs, dinners, biscuits, transport, company and conversations.  And people have created time and space to be with me … So there it all is, in reality – all in balance; and yet, still – so fleetingly, I felt neglected – when really, I am getting exactly the attention that I need … And I want to say thank you to everyone who has given to me in any and every way, in these few last days.  I receive what you gift, so very gratefully.

So the emotional complications of my personality unfurl some more: triggered and exaggerated by sudden loss.  I kick over the implications, then I cuddle them. I give breath to the evil and the enervating, then I can reconcile the consequences and realise that these leanings are my lessons.

It comes down to this … This is a love letter to loss.  And it is a love letter in the sense that I appreciate and celebrate how this whole experience has ‘opened me out’, and how such trying times can, if we choose, alter us in positive and unimaginable ways.  And having started with anger and tears, I realise now, with humility and clarity, just how much I actually have – even when this weird day started with me swimming through the lake of my loss. And this letter may be the ramblings of a grieving child or it will be what ever it will be to its reader and what ever that is, I am good with it …

Then this letter starts to wind down … and one of the many reasons it is addressed to ‘Loss’ is that my inner poet loves the alliteration of all the Ls in a ‘Love Letter to Loss’ …

And so it is now, that I go from loss to love.  I end this letter with a salutation to loss and all the unbidden treasures that it has given me.  I do not in all honesty welcome it, yet I do intend to learn from it.  And last of all, and most of all, I raise my glass – every time: to Love …

Yours trustingly,

     Sandra

PS: Thank you for sharing this letter with me.  My mother passed away on 16 July 2012.  She was diagnosed with a condition called Parkinson’s Disease and if you could donate something to the organisation that funds research and support for this disorder, I would be very grateful for yet more gifts bestowed …  You can give online here …

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Letter to Gill Potter at the Book Launch of Sacred Paths Entwined

4 July 2012 – Glasgow, Scotland.

Dear Gill

Wow! Lots of emotions have gathered as I shared your book launch with you … joy … pride … excitement … and so many more …

Here follows what is both a Love Letter to your book and the speech I gave on the night …

Good evening everyone and welcome to the  Launch of Gill Potter’s life changing book ‘Sacred Paths Entwined’.  My name is Sandra Peachey and it is my joy and privilege to introduce you to both the author and the book this evening.

Now I have a habit of writing ‘Love Letters to Life’, to analyse, celebrate and give gratitude for the most inspirational and amazing things in my life and THIS is my love letter to Gill Potter and her book …

This evening is a beginning, in so many ways … Of many new chapters, of lives changed, of destinies realised and released. The first of many new creations, of new connections, of lives changed inexorably and for ever – starting here in this sacred space; this delicious pre-ordained bringing together of all of us, on this night of nights.

So … Sacred Paths Entwined … The very thing that brings us all together – to our destiny, and soul to soul – whether the reasons be known or unknown, through kin, friendship or fate … We might say in the grand scheme of things, that all these are one and the same – when we see, know and understand the phenomena, the very formula, of Sacred Paths Entwined.

That I am here with all of you tonight in this room, is, most definitely, a step on my own sacred path. That Gill and I are in each other’s lives, is to us, no singular or random coincidence; it is a step on a sacred path, a joining together – for many reasons, brought together as we are by many golden connections and coincidences, and bought together for reasons constantly revealed to us and yet, not yet all known to us still. Sacred Paths Entwined …

Now in terms of earthly time and space, ours is a short acquaintance, yet it is one one packed with so much meaning for us … at a time of great transitions and steppings up and steppings out, in our separate and in our twinned lives.

In MY working life, I am many things that you may recognise the labels of … I am Leader, coach, entrepreneur, mentor, trainer and latterly too, also walking the path of author.  Yet I am so many other characteristics, skills, aptitudes and stories too; and that is the glorious complexity of all of our lives and ‘Sacred Paths Entwined’ reveals how all these should and could come together if we have the knowledge and the courage to follow our own sacred path.

So … here we are – Gillian and Sandra … how did we 2 souls come together in earthly ways??? Although I live in the centre of England, we actually met here in Scotland, in Edinburgh in fact, around about a year and a bit ago, at a Damsels in Success event.  Damsels’ is a women’s self development community which had just launched on an unsuspecting Scotland. As a leader in that community, I was there to support the launch of a new group and Gill was there to find out more … She was following a calling as it happens, and also her natural, questing curiosity; and so it was that I found myself at her elbow – whispering and laughing and coaching and gently cajoling her to come and join the special sisterhood of which I was part. And so it was that we became sister members of the Damsels in Success community. She in Scotland, and me way back down south in Sassenach land.

And we didn’t meet or talk or connect again until many months later … I’m vague on all the timings and facts, whereas Gill will relate and remember them all with perfect memory and detail … Aligned as they are in the stars and in our traversing of this particular planet.

So, now, moving on through time and happenstance, we had moved from being distant sister members of Damsels in Success, to becoming sister leaders, each of our own group. Gill here in Glasgow and me in Burton on Trent.

So, as the first ever appointed Damsels leader, I was asked by Lucie Bradbury, Founder of Damsels in Success, to be Gill’s mentor – to support and coach her, to care for in her new leadership role.  Gill told me early on that I went above and beyond the job description, yet we realised as we travelled our piece of the path together, that it has been my calling to be who I am in her life story and what I am to her and she has always rewarded me, in so many ways, for the things that I have given, even though at times it does not seem like a fair exchange, yet we know that all will be balanced on our sacred paths entwined.

And it has been a truly gorgeous and ripe association … I have had the joy and the privilege of supporting her and encouraging her and answering her questions and listening to her learnings and her loathings and her lovings – walking with her on this living path, in this earthly plane of being, off and on, from where we met, to where we are now and of course, onwards into our futures.  And as is the way the Universe works, it was pre-ordained for us, that mentor becomes mentored, becomes gifted with the talents of her loving charge and becomes friend. Sacred Paths Entwined.

Gill came into my orbit, has spent time in my home and in my heart, as a sister spirit.  Now Gill is a friend to me, a guide to me, an inspiration to me and so so many other things … And she has given me one of her greatest gifts – to cast my own Sacred Contract with her. And that was pre-ordained too, because quite simply, when she presented me with this opportunity, I resisted for a while, as it was time to walk my own path then and to ride some bumpy beasts on the back of life.  And when the time was right, as I kept stepping along my own sacred path, suddenly it was clear to me that the time was right and we came together, to reveal and then to activate my own Sacred Contract: my divinely pre-ordained purpose, to be shown to and shared with the world.  Elucidating my qualities and my character, understanding my traits and my trials. Shining the light on my own shining being and opening my self out to be my purpose, to live the dreams I was born with and nurtured for and so secretly harboured, as they were part of my soul, my life, my very love.  Sacred Paths Entwined.

And Damsels in Success was the vehicle that bought us together and was the catalyst for so many things and still so it was that other things were in the Universal store for Gill and she passed the leadership of her gorgeous Glasgow group to me, as it became so blindingly clear that her own shining purpose was finding yet another alchemical way of becoming breath, of becoming book: Sacred Paths Entwined.  This book wherein lies the golden threads of her life, her purpose, her god given gifts, her life’s learnings: all bound together, all encapsulated to share, to bare, to teach, to inspire. Sacred Paths Entwined.

This book fascinates and touches on so many levels … Gill shares her story, her history. She takes us on the voyage of her life and at times there is terror and there is pain; and then too … there is poetry, there is redemption, there is healing; there is learning and knowing and growing into her sacred self.  Sacred Paths Entwined.

Then there is teaching, there is wisdom: with this book, our minds and our hearts expand, as our soul takes flight. This volume gives us a sacred structure, to guide us to walk, run or take what ever means belongs to us, as pure individuals, to see, to take and to follow our very own sacred path.

With this book share the story, see who YOU are in the stars; learn yourself, know how to cast your contract and live your joyful purpose. It is all here in these pages, in Gill’s Magnum Opus – which is, quite literally, and in every way, her true life’s work!

And so it is my turn now to step out of the spotlight and to say: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege, honour and absolute joy, to introduce you to: Archetypal Consultant, Astrologer AND Author of Sacred Paths Entwined: Gill Potter!!!

And that, my wise Celt, is my ‘Love Letter’ to you and your book …

With much love

    Sandie xx

PS: To find out more about Gill’s book, click here and now Peachey Letter has become a book too – follow this link to know more…

Gill & Me
celebrate ‘Sacred Paths Entwined’

For more pictures, click here …