Letter to a Thunder Bolt

ImageDear Thunder Bolt

I often wish life was more about thunderbolts – those sudden sensory moments of illumination and clarity that zap through your consciousness – so viscerally, that you are caught completely off-guard and jangled instantly with the delicious realisation of new paths, creations and insights.

Yet life has its’ own pace, sometimes a snail crawl (an anathema to a creature like me with so little patience) and sometimes a sprint, and notched at every speed set in between, too.

Life is a balance and needs must be measured and slowed at times, and then quickened through at others.

As for me, I love speed, pzazz and illumination, and you my dearest friend, certainly provide all that – with added razzle dazzle, at no extra charge, but with full on and free electrical charge!

And what I love about Thunder Bolts too is that they change and chase away the status quo… A thunder storm is a time of transition and clearance and brightening… What ever form it may take…  And I know that some people are fearful of them, but for me they are both thrilling and exhilarating.

There is often a slow build up to a storm – that closeness of compressed air, the lowering clouds, rain falling, dripping or lashing.  You know with all your senses – logical and intestinal, that something big is coming.

And so it is with me too – there was I in the ‘Big Smoke’… near the end of 3 intense days which have all been about my journey as a woman and a writer.  They began with the Damsels in Success book launch, which – fabulously, amazingly, gob smackingly means that I have now been a published authoress twice in 7 months!  And for 2 days more I was furthering my writing craft and exploring the opportunities of being an author with a bigger publishing house… Exciting, lightening times indeed.

On the morning of day 3 I had the fortune to be in a room with Psychologist and self help author Robert Holden, and he had set the room an exercise – ‘I write because’ repeated over and over, so we extracted every longing out of our lists.  And as a result I came out with a long fistful of reasons… But then my negative self kicked in – my list it said, was not only long, but seemingly selfish, and so I judged and criticised myself, and reflected on the ONE person, from amongst the many, who had told me that my writing was indeed “selfish”…

So still, through time and tide and personal development, I go through all this negative self talk… My journey as a coach and a writer has been about overcoming these negative blatherings and indeed my first book was a personal triumph of ‘publish and be damned’ – since I just dared to share and then waited… And what came back to me was near universal recognition, support and praise… And yet still, this wrestling with my dark half, my hooded, shadowed self came into my mind and out of my mouth…

I received the soft soothing, ‘don’t doubt yourself’ responses you would expect, from a kindred spirit in the room with me.  And still it sat there, that doubt, like a spectre in my soul.

And the self critic was hard at work in that roomful of egos, as a woman stood up and shared with Mr Holden that she wanted to write a book about love and yet she had read his book ‘Loveability’ and there was nothing more to say on that subject, he’d said it all…

Mr Holden of course acknowledged and advised and spoke on, charming and laughing and sharing his structured wisdoms with a captivated audience.  And so he came on to subject of preparation.  He told us that he believes in creating and incanting affirmations before he sits down to write every day, and he shared the samples that he wrote for his book ‘Loveability’…

And there it was – my thunderbolt, otherwise known as affirmation number 3:
“I’m here to write a love letter from God, to everyone in the world”…

My first book is a collection of ‘Love Letters to Life’
POW! ZAP! BLAST! A clean, clear thunderbolt straight to my heart!  It hit my head and emotions simultaneously – my heart beating out of my chest in a tattoo tune, my senses on fire.  God and Robert had spoken!!!

“So ya boo sucks to you, villainous doubter.  I get to keep on doing this selfish stuff!”

Well I had been struck and little old unbolted me normally sits quietly and takes it all in, in a crowd.  But as soon as break time came I leapt up and grabbed a handful of my ‘Love Letter Books’… The first recipient was the lady who had stood up and shared that she could not write the book of love that has already been written.  I found her and put my book in her hands and told her – “this is MY book of love, only I could have written it.  Only YOU can write your book – so write it and take this as my gift to know that you can…”

Next I queued to speak to Mr Holden – the on-stage guru, again behaviour most unlike me, and the fact that it was a long queue, could, believe you me, normally be a good enough reason not to wait, as I would always rather eat than wait.  And why wait – only to gush and ask and share with the famous person on the stage..?  I knew it would be a long wait, so to occupy my pre-bored self I struck up a conversation with the lady in front of me.  She was a fascinating, beautiful creature with an exotic accent taken and combined from South America and Scotland.  We clicked and shared and quickly elicited fascinating facts and life stories.  There were promises to keep in touch.  Another book of mine was given away to my newest friend…

Then I finally reached the man himself and told him that the affirmation was for me too and thanked him and pressed my book into his hands.  He politely turned it over and saw the connection and acknowledged it, his thank you gift.

And now he has it, or had it – who knows?  Maybe it has been read, or maybe not and who knows its’ fate?  Yet isn’t that the deliciousness of writing?  It is a solitary act, as we sit alone in our head scribing our thoughts into words; and then we dare to share them with the world.   We can never know the impact they will fully have – who loves or loathes them, and then like a thunder bolt it flashes back at us in lightening storms and on quiet sunlit days – the acknowledgement, the feedback, the illumination…

So that is what we writers do, we give our wisdoms to the world and we require an exchange, some where along the universal path…

And I had my thunderbolt jolt so I know I’m on the right and perfect path, and on that day created my storm story.

WOW to the KAPOW I say!

Yours in thunder struck awe.

      Sandra

Proud author of ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ and co-author of ‘The F-Factor’, which you can find on my website or on Amazon, in both paperback and Kindle.

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