Sensitivity: My Super Power & My Curse…

Whilst sensitivity is my super power,

It can also feel like a curse…

Harsh words grate and are hurtful.

Others taking sides and making judgements,

is blind siding.

Venting coarse bile is wasteful and vengeful.

It cuts the person who wields the knife,

as well as the person they slice into.

Only when you stand at a distance, can you know.

Then listen and let go.

Not spit nonsense.

Not grow horns.

Not take your bad day out on another.

Think before you throw your poison darts. They’ve landed in my heart.

Lodged and bleeding.

My heads says it’s OK, and I will rationalise.

But my soul is sore.

My core is sensitive,

despite my hard shell.

I bruise like a fully ripened peach,

since I don’t understand your priority.

But I’ll just let it be.

Heal gradually.

Not give a fig, in a week or a decade’s time.

Use my sensitivity to divine and investigate and feel my way in to someone else’s receptive psyche;

in another moment, on the wind of another day.

Because sensitivity is my super power.

Calm in the Time of Corona

So… At an office somewhere, someone was angry and she was yelling at me…

I stayed calm, listened, applied logic…
But logic and anger do not necessarily go hand in hand…
I wasn’t enjoying the exchange, but chose to stay outwardly calm.
But maybe that annoyed her even more… She kept on shouting…
Still I stayed calm on the surface (not so much deep down, in truth), so next she yelled one of those potentially ‘combustible bomb’ questions at me; with the kind of furious logic that only an angry person can hurl, with all their strength, to demand a yes or no answer, which you could never get right…
“I’m not going to answer that” I replied, “because it’s your ANGER talking right now – not YOU.”
She stopped dead in her tracks.
“That’s true” she said and just like that, the anger evaporated, right then and there….
And then we resolved the ‘angry’ issue together – softly and sanely…
We had never discussed choosing a response, rather than simply responding in kind, but in that moment I was blown away how the realisation hit her and she let the anger go…
Together we had outed it, and suddenly it had no power over us…

That was nearly 2 years ago and I had totally forgotten the conversation, until she reminded me of it, last week.

She told me it pretty much changed her view of anger since she had a realisation that just because someone throws it at you, you don’t have to throw it back – instead you can CHOOSE how to respond.
And I was blown away… AGAIN.

So, we both chose a response and in turn, can remember that lesson, maybe in the next minute or two years later.

You can drop a stone into a pond or drop a pearl into it – they will both ripple outwards…

And we never know how the water will ripple, radiate and who or how it might touch…

But sometimes we get to see… and then, how blessed are we..???

The Gorgeousness of Grace

graceSo I’m the Transient Goddess – a divine feminine being, beset by having mortal attributes – not least a feeling lately that I’ve been a bad girl – one who is spitting and snarling at life, rather than sailing gracefully through it…

The weather coerces to my mortal mood… There’s a sense of oppression. The grey skies are threatening rain, but not giving it up.  A ‘close’ heavy feeling weighs the air down, as if brewing for a fight, but deciding to sulk instead…

Whilst I welcome sunshine, this has merely been heat and cloud fuming constantly above my head – promising retribution and relief in the form of storm, but never then delivering…

And on and on…  The heat fracturing my nights and slicing into my purring dreams; inducing sweaty sleeplessness with wild, whirring thoughts.

Exhausted, I’ve been waiting for the dark clouds above my head and the wispy ones inside it, to dissipate. And although I can incline to the divine, I cannot control the weather and so have had to wait for the storm to start.  Internally the clouds were slight and so I could blow them away with reason, but then they would return – to obfuscate and implicate, so to slyly play hide and seek with the sun.

All this in my favourite summer season and my favoured months of the year – June, the anniversary of my birth – blessed by the gorgeous zenith of summer, with the sweetest days and longest nights; then flowing sinuously into July.

It’s a good time for me – I have lots of work, with income that gives me some sense of security and freedom.  I’ve passed through a difficult time in my life, weighed down with health issues and hormones and I’ve come out of the other side smiling and ready to move into new moon phases in my long loved life.

I’m setting out on new adventures, and this requires zest, organisation and energy; but somehow these are all lacking and all the work and all the relentless heat is sapping my strength. Everything seems to be taking too long to work through.  It doesn’t sit well with natural impatience…

I want to conserve my energy, quell / heal my emotions and keep myself to myself, (except with those I love and trust) and yet, there are skirmishes across the border of my ordered existence.  There are people who have the temerity to cross swords with me…  [Irony alert]Don’t you know who I am?!

So the smile has been wiped off my figurative face as I’ve reacted to – as I see it – being stalked, the victim of road rage, the object of disagreements, and being verbally attacked… Which means that I’ve been tripping on, rather than skipping over, the road of life.

Apparently, so the Law of Attraction states, we manifest these things into our existence: That as we emit an energy, so we attract equal energy back…

But this is a counter-intuitive enmity for me – I thought I’d been smiling, carefully guarding my walls and playing nice, so why has all this been coming at me..?

Firstly I recognise that I am tired and not feeling in the best of health – it means that I don’t have such a deep well of cool sanity to cushion me.  Defensiveness and self-pity can flare up easily, so I have to be aware of that and so I have chosen to slow down and give my brain and body a rest.

Without the fundamental well spring of conscious self-care – all the daily acts of meditation and heart felt consciousness have not spared me from periods of falling into fear, anger and attack mode; as my boundaries have been breached and my wishes – stated and silent – seemingly violated.  Then tears have spilled, words been vomited and thoughts run ragged, racing after relentless emotions…

And I could bore you with the intimate details of each incident, but I shan’t.  Fundamentally I’ve decided to let go of any issue of rights and wrongs and decide that there aren’t any. I want too, to make sense of what is going on and show myself and whoever is reading this, that there is absolutely no need to be either an aggressor or a victim; and instead every reason to learn from, rather just react to whatever is going on – in and around us.

First of all I want to say – choose not to be an aggressor.  And you may well say, ‘Who, me? Doesn’t apply’… And without judgement – if these words prick at you in any sense, then you’ll know… that time you went against someone’s wishes, blared that horn, crossed a line… None of us are perfect, but let’s start with being more aware of the words and actions that we put out there, along with their cause and effect.

If you find that someone is coming at you, then I say – do not respond in kind.  Breath deep – wait a moment, then a minute and then more minutes, hours, or however long it takes to let the adrenaline subside and your reason kick in.  And I mean ‘real’ reason here – the sense that provides sane, well-formed and chosen thoughts – not the bullets of angry reason that can create all sorts of factoids that backs up your sense of victimhood / right / etc., etc.

This single act of waiting and choosing is certainly one of the most powerfully successful ones I deploy if I feel an emotional reaction to a situation.  When I don’t do it, and go into react mode, the consequences are nearly always disastrous.  I have to remind myself instead that this strategy is not a weak act of retreat, but rather a strong tactical advantage – choosing slow, permanent resolution rather than quick, unsatisfactory retribution.

Sometimes we are in genuine or perceived danger and it may be that we have to take steps to safeguard ourselves and retreat to safety.  Do thatDon’t attack.  Move on and away.

Have some compassion for the other party.  Yes – you heard me correctly – have some compassion for whatever it is that they are going through.  An incident or a lifetime of behaviours and happenings has led them to this contradictory point where they are clashing with you.

Now decide that someone else’s bad day / life does not have to be yours and choose to let it go.  Talk it through with someone, write yourself a note, have a chunk of chocolate or whatever it takes – do this gently and consciously, so you can start to move on.

Know that you have responsibility for whatever is going on. Maybe you caused / manifested and maybe you didn’t – but you can now decide how to handle it and that includes asking for and giving unconditional forgiveness, so you can start to wash your psyche clean.

In terms of how to handle such situations, my go to attribute at times like this is grace.  I choose to let it percolate my conscious dealings – especially in tricky situations, disagreements or separations…

It’s a beautiful quality and has various permutations, so let me look to the wonders of Google and the Oxford English Dictionary to elucidate:

Meaning 1 – Smoothness and elegance of movement:
The smoothness of slowing down and being sweetly elegant in my dealings. It’s definitely what I aspire to… 

Meaning 2 – Courteous good will:
This takes good will and the willingness to be considerate of yourself and those around you, to a whole new, delicious level.  ‘Courteous’ good will is a sweet blend of the considerate and deliberate.

This is further elucidated by the dictionary as ‘An attractively polite manner of behaving’.  Yes, we’ve all met ugly politeness – but how about a heartfelt decision to behave ‘attractively’? I’ll embrace that.

Meaning 3 – (In Christian belief) the free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings:
Regardless of religious belief, there have been times when I felt more sinned against than sinner, but I have been a sinner; so yes, I will allow for the beauty of blessings and choose to count them, in order to see the light and to free both my ego and me.

Meaning 4: A divinely given talent or blessing:
Grace is definitely becoming my favoured super power – something I have the capacity for and can nurture to fabulous infinity. 

Meaning 5 – The condition or fact of being favoured by someone:
How about forgetting rights and wrongs and seeing both sides of a possibly angry equation, instead?  Favour the fact that you choose to rise above ego, and decide that the best outcome is the one that produces the greatest universal good: not that either side wins or loses. This is a real act of grace.

Meaning 6 – A period officially allowed for payment / compliance, especially granted as a special favour:
So instead of acting in the angry moment, take stock, and give yourself a period of grace – in order to move on – allowing resolution, not destruction.

And all of these layers of meaning grow into the utter gorgeousness of grace – sweet, strong and beautiful in its simplicity.  When grace becomes implicit and complicit in our feelings and dealings, it can become a bountiful byword for our behaviour.

So finally – by manifestation, magic and weather vane – the storm broke today…  Lightening flashed and illuminated, then thunder growled its’ refreshing release of rain.  The heat dissipated and the rain lavished down in sweet, fat droplets – feeding the soil / soul and washing the streets clean. This rain is both a blessing and a benediction.  It’s a sign that it’s time to let go of any lingering darkness – my world is ready for a graceful new start.  The air and sky have cleared and now the air is filled with rampant birdsong – chorusing in a new sweet phase of delicious days and boundless possibilities ahead…

In best cliché speak, it’s time to let the clouds fly by and for the sun to shine through again.  Yes – it really is most definitely time to favour grace…

Suddenly I see the enmity I’ve been experiencing as a message.  It is clearly time for my walls to be knocked down, and to ignore all borders and invisible boundaries.  In doing so I can travel freely, with out swords and skirmishes. 

And so it is, sweetly – that I’m a bad girl gone good…

Yours, gracefully / graciously (of course)
   from Sandra
Sandra Peachey
Transient Goddess, Coach and Author

You can Contact Me by clicking here…

I’m also variously known as:

* The award winning Author of Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life and Co-Author of The F-Factor.  You can buy them both at Amazon by clicking on the highlighted titles / hyperlinks above, and at all good book sites around the globe.
* The Director of LifeWork Consultancy & Coaching – find out more here…
* As an International Book Awards Finalist – 2015, Women’s Issues Category
* The Winner of a Women Inspiring Women Award – 2013
* As being shortlisted for Women’s Coach in the APCTC Awards – 2014, as well as being nominated in 2012 & 2013
* Also as being Nominated for a Networking Mummies National Recognition Award – 2015…

The Alternative of Acceptance…


I have been going through a protracted period where an issue – simply unmanaged and ignored because of its difficulty, has now spiralled instead out of silly control. It is gnawing away at my consciousness and going round my brain in ever decreasing circles, filling my thoughts, playing with my emotions and sapping my strength…

Even the fact that I have now established some controls and am moving towards a resolution is not stilling the anger and disquiet. The same evil thoughts circle and spiral in my head again and again. How is it that I could be misunderstood and treated this way… by other individuals, by my own doing, by fate and by the Universe? It feels… oh so painful and unfair…

I have had to consciously choose not to wallow in all this and let it lead and define me, but it is subconsciously still there, not letting me go… So I have to seek solutions and alternatives. At times like these, I love to replace the busy complex twistings of gut and thought, with sweet simplicity instead…

Today I took a walk. A walk of change, of calm and balm. And so an alternative floated into my mind… And that was – ‘acceptance’… And now, as I walk, as I think, as I do – I seek and pray for acceptance instead… Instead of the circles and cycles of whiplash thought, instead of the bitterness and bile of argument and incrimination, I choose the iced silence of acceptance instead…

This acceptance is a prayer, an invocation, a whispered alternative to anger. It fills my head with positive movement and upward momentum instead. It is the opposite of negativity, it is synchronous and quiet; this acceptance moves me forward – instead of stalling and circling and sticking in my brain. It breaks the negative repetitiveness and consternation, and best of all, it is a simplistic swop.

So… I accept this day; I accept the trees and the bluebells; I accept my life and what has led me to this point; I accept that I am here and now; I accept my situation; I accept my parents; I accept my decisions; I accept other’s reactions; I accept that things will change; I accept that soon this will all be unimportant; I accept the best; I accept the sunshine; I accept the opportunities to grow and to learn; I accept that I am skilled and amazing at many things; I accept that I am also a work in progress in others; I accept my work; I accept my companions; I accept the journey; I accept the blue sky; I accept myself; I accept the others.

I accept…

PS: See more of my ‘Love Letters to Life’ – to the people, phenomena and happenings that define my world. You can get hold of your copy here…  or else from Amazon (in both Kindle and Paperback formats) and from all good book shops and websites across the world…