February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 26 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered, projecting my imagination into the past and the future… 

As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels somewhat like making a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to create content for this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which stands alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my completed book.

Miss Haversham am I

I spend a lot of time alone with books and it seems to me that there is a particular literary convention, where the author’s stance is to cut time into squares and rearrange it, like a giant patch work quilt, creating new patterns and meanings out of bits of posh cloth or jumble sale scraps, into something more clever, poignant and entertaining than the straight walk of real time and therefore real life. The reader does not hold hands with one character, but rather they watch a number of them, from afar, jumping about with them through time; shifting back and forth, switching to the viewing of various characters walking separately along differing paths, then at some points colluding or colliding, to be woven, brokenly back into a stitched cloth. Yet whilst I am self-consciously creating this body of work, setting down my memories and the landscape of sight and emotion, I refuse to assail my reading senses with varied voices and points of view, for this is my story, and mine alone and so it must follow a more linear track, halted only by the gentle interruptions of my latent, agèd insights. And since this is autobiography rather than fiction, I shall start with childhood and follow a recognisable, if somewhat undulating path to my current elderly self.

If these words long lingered over are ever read by others, then of course, they may perceive a fiction or indeed a madness in my sometimes bland and sometimes fantastical life stories. I cannot attest to being entirely sane, but have always believed that sanity is a point of convention, rather than actuality and so, whatever another mind may make of my maunderings, will be an opinion based on their own bias, rather than what is and what is, now being created by me, out of memory or what was, now of necessity becomes my own fictionalised facts, shaped by my slanting recollections of the past.

I love old fashioned, straight forward memoirs and have a more unswerving sensibility of starting at the beginning and ending at (the finale of) a full stop in time. I love the lore of Dickens, who took different narrative paths throughout his writing life, yet usually starting with A and ending with Z, and developed his style throughout his writing time; but here I am, nearing the end of my own time and only just now recording my memories before they recede for ever, so I just need to get them out of my head and down onto paper.

Having said all that, here I am, beginning at the end, setting the scene in my current soft seat, determined that it will not be follow the form of one of my favourite Dickensian characters, that of old Miss Haversham: a woman betrayed and hurt in the long ago past and now stuck on a throne, manipulating those around her for entertainment and revenge, which ultimately and literally consumes her. For rather than making a memoir of Haversham hate, I want this to be a journal of light, one which sets down and makes sense of all that has led to me now, in this strange, solitary chair of mine.

Light is important, since its’ warmth chases the hounds of hate away. I realise this now, with the hindsight of eons, but of course I have spent so much time alone in the darkness. As I mellow with age, I go about setting this sensory story down, for there are now many more days when the blindness of my heavy headaches lift and I can release all the trapped thoughts from my brain, only to bind them tightly back into words stuck instead to the lambent page of a computer’s microchip memory.

Like Miss Haversham, I still have an old wedding dress, but instead of wearing it to drear threads, I am saving it, in a store room somewhere, folded away in its’ own special box, still to wear again or to pass on to someone else in this family tree of infinity. Despite its’ age, I have always believed that its’ encroaching yellowness will wash out and that its’ classic beauty will see the light of dancing day again. I just don’t know when that will be, I just trust that it will be.

One day, that dress and these ancient written words of mine may be for other eyes, but for now, they are most definitely only for me. For in my old age, more and more, my memory often fails me, so when scenes return to mind, I seize them and seek to capture them for reflection or for (self) torture, depending on my whim or the fragile shifting state of my psyche. I realise now that I can choose how these scenes of past life lived can return to either illuminate my remaining days or to fog them up with wrinkled grief and regret.

PS: “It’s beautiful …  I have always said you have a ‘way with words’ and you do indeed have the wonderful gift of being able to write fictional prose. So pleased you are sharing this with the world .” ~ Lucie Bradbury

This is just one from the many hundreds of comments I had when I did my first blog challenge 4 years ago.  The post above is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you… It is of course the perfect Valentine gift. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 25 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered, especially from gremlins of every kind… 

As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels somewhat like making a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to create content for this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which stands alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my completed book.

Managing the Gremlin

Staring forlornly at the shattered shards of ceramic all around her, Ariel desperately wondered what to do. She tried telephoning her father, but the line just rang on and on without being picked up.

The perpetrator of this havoc – her very own gremlin and tormentor Martrucio – was still with her, triumphantly surveying the scene and his message was “You are thirteen now.  Sod your mother – she deserves this, and more, for the way she treats you.”

Apart from her father and Marial – her celestial guardian, Ariel felt she had no one she could share or discuss this inexplicable episode with. Her father was seemingly unavailable right now and as for Mariel – well she always chose when she would make an appearance and right now, Ariel had no sense of when that would next be.

Ariel worked through her options – should she tell the truth; brazen it out with righteous anger or lie? Knowing her mother, none of these paths would mean that she would escape unpunished, but she had to do something – so she decided upon a lie… She would clear up the mess and tell her mother that it had been an accident. It was a feeble fabrication, since clearly the devastation surrounding her right now, was an ‘accident’ on an unprecedented and violent scale…

As she swept up the broken crockery, Martrucio danced around her feet and grabbed at the broom handle, mocking her. “This is all a waste of time – that bitch is going to get you, little Miss ‘Butter Wouldn’t Melt’ Tregorwick.”

 –o0o–

Ariel was right… Her mother was furious… Incandescently so… When she arrived home and Ariel set the scene, her mother’s rage ignited and she called her daughter a liar and a vandal. May Grigson screamed at the top of her lungs that her child was ungrateful, selfish, and said she was clearly her father’s daughter.

She cornered Ariel in their tiny kitchen – spat on her, then slapped and kicked even more tears out of her. She did not belief the lie – she knew it was spite.  The punishments she threatened were legion – there would be no going out, no treats, no television, no pocket money and no seeing her father, until she had paid every penny for every piece of damage… “This is all because I wouldn’t let you have your own way.” She shouted in Ariel’s face. “I will never forgive you for this, you evil, ungrateful cow. NEVER!”

And all the while Martrucio stood by, laughing along with every shout and every blow.

Ariel wanted to run to her bedroom and close the door on this nightmare, but her mother wasn’t finished with her yet. It was not enough that May screamed, slapped and shouted, she was now also determined to ensure that Ariel knew how having her things wantonly destroyed felt, too; so she decided loudly to break some of Ariel’s precious collection of ceramic cats.

May ran up the stairs, followed by Ariel, who was now angered by the fact that none of this was her fault “Don’t you dare!” she yelled as her mother threw open her bedroom door.

Of course those words ignited her mother’s ire even more. She marched to the dressing table, grabbed a handful of ornaments and hurled them, one by one at Ariel’s head.

Miraculously none of them hit the mark or broke, instead they fell safely to the carpeted floor. May was just about to come over and stamp on them to seal their fate, when the doorbell rang.

“Who the bloody hell is that?!” said May, as she stamped back down the stairs. It turned out that it was their next door neighbours Mr and Mrs Green, who wondered what was going on and if everything was ‘alright’. May apologised for the disturbance, which, she explained was all the fault of her selfish, vicious daughter. Having assured and got rid of her callers, she closed the front door on them, muttering “nosy interfering busy bodies”.

Much later Ariel sat on her bed, Martrucio at her feet – too emotionally strung out to cry, whilst staring at them both in the wardrobe mirror. She couldn’t even begin to make sense of what had happened and how she had been powerless to stop any of it. It had all just played out in front of her, ad nauseam.

Suddenly she noticed that the reflection in front of her had changed and that Mariel had manifested into the room with them. She didn’t move and just continued to start at their strange mirror image.

On seeing Mariel, Martrucio though, hopped off the bed in surprise. “Be gone – you stinking imp” she said peremptorily. He shrugged, then immediately disappeared from sight.

“So then, you’ve met your Gremlin.” she continued. “Why is he here?”

“I was hoping that you were going to explain that particular conundrum” replied Ariel.

“What happened?” asked Mariel. Ariel explained the sequence of events from the argument until that moment, with despairing, dry eyed disbelief.

“I feel so awful,” she said, “so, angry and scared and, oh I don’t know… Why did this have to happen? Mother will never let me forget this. I’ll be punished to kingdom come. And none of it is my fault. It’s so unfair…”

“Well, yes, I know that life can seem unfair at times like these” came Mariel’s reply. “And particularly to you Ariel, one who feels so out of place in life. But this is your place my dear and this is your mess, so let’s see if we can figure a way through it.”

Ariel now felt even more despondent. Mariel wasn’t going to wave a magic wand and make it all go away…

“You feel so awful, my fine feathered friend, because you’re so awfully sensitive. You sense things so deeply and along with that you are a deep thinker too. Such scenes as happened today will cut through you and wound you. But there is a reason for such depth and such perception – you need it in order to be able to fly.”

“I need to hurt in order to fly then?” said Ariel in disbelief.

“No Ariel, that is not what I meant”, Mariel continued “In order to be able to fly, to feel the wind, to soar and to swoop, you have to be sensitive. You have to feel the earth beneath you and sense the sky above. You have to see all, sense all, feel all and more than this; you need a depth of intelligence lost to most humankind, to be able to process all this and to respond to it, to rise greatly above it. Why – you are the very opposite of those so called successful, wingless beings with leaden feet we share this planet with, those who have stripped themselves of sensitivity in order to win and to achieve. You are not like that Ariel, you were born with wings and hence a whole corresponding set of senses and sensitivities. Without these my dear, you would be flying blind, would bang and bash into every obstacle, whereas I am teaching you to tune these skills, to be atuned to the world and all that is around you.

“Why is this happening Mariel? Why was I born with wings and then made to live this strange grey concrete life, most of the time? How can I defend myself against this gremlin when I’m so lost, so alone and no one understands what I’m going through?”

“Well my dear, you were born who you were and you were put in this place, so it is now up to you to find your way out of it, if this is not where you think you should be. Why in heaven do you say that you are alone, when you have your family and you have me? You must realise all that you have Ariel, and all that you are. You need to sit down and count every huge and tiny blessing that you have.

Gremlins are normal for folk like us. The wingless ones have them too, it’s just that they don’t see them as we do. So you have met your own gremlin, now – what is its’ name..?”
“Martrucio.”
“Your Martrucio – comes to you now, for he is attracted by the current darkness in your soul. He is the darkness in your soul too, for he feeds off your anger, and he drinks of your tears. This is how he thrives Ariel and he will do everything he can to drag you down to his low, stinking level in life. Your lowness becomes his significance and he will fight and do so dirtily to maintain it.”

“How do I get rid of him, Mariel? How can I live, how can I fly, with this evil creature constantly at my side?”

“Do you see him now, Ariel? No – because I acknowledged him and then I banished him. With absolute authority and committed certainty, I commanded him to leave.”

“But I told him to leave and he refused.”

“That is because he knew that you did not entirely mean it. That in telling him to go, you were giving him the significance to stay – by feeding him with enough fear and anger to swell him up and make him strong. This was your choice Ariel.”

“No, this was not my choice. I meant it when I told him to leave and I never wanted him to appear in the first place!”

“It is your choice to believe that Ariel, despite my knowing and telling you otherwise, then?”

“No Mariel, it comes from knowing myself. It comes from trying to banish him and failing… Does this mean that you will be leaving me now? That I can never fly again?”

“Oh Ariel, no! I do not abandon you for your flawed perceptions, warped by your emotions and sharpened circumstances. I am appointed to you to show you the ways of using your wings. Once you are old enough and free enough, you will decide where those wings will take you. And yes, you can still fly, little one. No gremlin can touch you when you fly – for a very good reason… What do you think that is?”

“Well…” Ariel considered… “one cannot fly in fear, or imbued with dark emotions. These make you visible and unsafe. The gremlin is attracted to those dark feelings, so without them, he has nothing to feed off and so cannot take off?”

“Yes, indeed.” said Mariel.

“Besides which,” said Ariel “I didn’t see any wings on that horrible smelly body of his!” At long last, she felt lighter and smiled with relief. “Let’s go fly now!”

“Not tonight, Ariel dear. It’s late and dark now. I believe too that you still carry the residual hurts of this difficult day, which will weigh you down. You need to work through all this now, to resolve it and make your peace with it.   Know that your gremlin will come back, but that he does not have to stay.”

Ariel was saddened by Mariel’s refusal. She felt that she deserved some fun and some flying freedom after the dire day that she had had. She sighed.

Mariel had suddenly disappeared. Then there, curled up like a black dog at the end of her bed, Martrucio had re-appeared…

PS: “There needs to be a LOVE button. That was so beautiful, flowing, poetic. I can tell you love this character, the idea of flying. Had me wanting to know her life before and after this part.” ~ Alice Kasey

This is just one from the many hundreds of comments I have had on my recent blog postings.  The post above is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you… It is of course the perfect Valentine gift. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 24 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered, largely due to the happy fact that my father read to me at bedtime every night. 

As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels somewhat like making a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to create content for this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which stands alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my completed book.

The Bed Time Story

After dinner that night, Aunt Sarah turned on the radio to listen to the News and then the adults chatted about the work that needed doing on the Island estate and what the locals were up to.

Ariel secretly tried to stifle a yawn, though her father, as always, noticed. He smiled: “Come on then my little angel. You’re clearly tired and it’s nearly time for bed now. Go upstairs – get yourself ready, then under the eiderdown – and I’ll come up and read you a story.”

Ariel briefly thought about protesting, but she was tired and the thought of her father reading to her, made her quietly happy. The cosy bedtime habit they used to have was one of the things she missed most, now that her parents no longer lived under the same roof.

“Isn’t eight a little old for being read to?” said Aunt Mary, flatly.

“As long as Ariel wants me to,” said Daniel, winking at his daughter, “I will. Say goodnight to your Aunts, Ariel Angel.”

Ariel kissed each of her Aunts good night on the cheek in order of favouritism: Auntie Sarah first, then Auntie Becca and finally Aunt Mary. “Good night dear” each one of them said in turn, with differing degrees of warmth.

When she had settled into her bed, there was a light tap at the bedroom door and her father came in carrying a large leather-bound book. “Look”, he said “I’ve found a copy of ‘The Ancient Fables of Flying’ in the library downstairs. What do you think?”

Ariel sat up. “Ooh, yes please Daddy, read it to me.”

Daniel perched on the side of the bed and wiggled Ariel’s foot. “Move over now and make some more room for your old Dad” he grinned.

The book he held in his hands was a particular favourite of Ariel’s – one of the reasons being, that it couldn’t be found in an average public library – it had been specially written for the Emissariat, their circles and their children. She loved it too because it was beautifully illustrated with flowing, sumptuous images of wonderful winged folk; who, according to lore, were her ancestors of long ago.

Daniel lay the book on his lap and creaked it open. He turned the pages over to the beginning of the first fable and Ariel smelt leather and the must of dust rising from it, to heighten her sense of story and anticipation.

Her father’s voice rose and fell with the archaic rhythms of lilting prose: “Long, long ago, back in the time of sky and of water, when the people of the kingdoms of Breten had both wings and feet – there lived a beautiful Princess called Neyja; the only daughter of the august King Sira and his Queen – El The Beautiful…”

Ariel soaked up every word her father intoned, completely entranced. He told how the heroine of the story, Neyja – had inherited her beautiful wings from her mother. The book described her feathered glory in detail, from the span of her wings, to their distinct colouration and pattern. The book told that Neyja’s wings were unusual in that they were not completely white as was the traditional mein of her people, but instead graduated from white at the base of her shoulders, through to a sumptuous silver at their very tips – as if, the book stated ‘brushed by brightest moonlight.’

Not everyone could fly, even in those olden times – the gift of wings was an occasional inheritance passed down through certain royal blood lines, usually by women and sometimes, more rarely, to men.

Neyja’s winged mother Queen El taught her the ways of flight craft; for although some folk are born with wings, the book explained that flight was not simply a natural attribute, it was also a trait that needed to be nurtured.

One day when her mother was too busy to teach her, Neyja, without permission, impatiently took off on her first flight alone and was captured by The Drog – renegades from a rival, cold kingdom. After charming their leader Chifvik, she managed to escape the dark drudgery of marriage to his evil oldest son on their wedding day, when she was rescued by Gorour – a winged knight from the court of her father…

At the end of the first tale, Ariel’s father slowly closed the book to.   She was very sleepy now, but so wanted to hear the next familiar tale and the next; which went on to tell of the adventures of the children, the grand-children, and then the great grand-children of Neyja and Gorour, as they all flew and fought through the ancient kingdom of Breten; meeting monsters and mercenaries along the way and still, always, living happily ever after.

“Time to sleep now, my own little Neyja” her father said, lifting up the eiderdown, so she could easily shuffle down flat. As he kissed her forehead Good Night, Ariel was already fast asleep – flying easily through her feathered dreams until the early morning light of the next day.

PS: “Your writing is beautiful, it drew me in and made me want to read more. It’s my kind of book, that’s for sure. Your words are art, painting a picture, and I feel the story you have to share is a soul message…” ~ Lynda Louise Mangoro

This is just one from the many hundreds of comments I have had on my recent blog postings.  The post above is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you… It is of course the perfect Valentine gift. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 23 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered.  As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels to me like arranging a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to boost the content of this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which will stand alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my book design.

Meeting the Gremlin

“I said, no” spat out her mother. “We don’t have the money.”

“But Dad said I could.”

“I’m not interested in the unfounded promises my ex-husband makes to curry favour with you, young lady. He may be your father, but you live under my roof, and I-say-no!”

Her mother huffed on her coat. “Enough of this, I have to go to work. You can sort your own tea out, you selfish, ungrateful child.”

“I’m not a child, mother, I’m thirteen years old and I’m sick of you treating me like a baby!” Ariel bellowed.

Her mother responded by slamming the front door loudly behind her.

Ariel was left alone to fume. “And it’s dinner, you evil bitch, not ‘tea’!” she yelled, emboldened by her fury and the empty house.

With no one to yell back at her, she stomped heavily up the stairs to her bedroom – either to scream or to cry, she would have to decide which, on arrival.

She flung open her bedroom door and there he was, sitting in the corner, casually and cross legged; just grinning at her.

Whilst this was the first time they’d met and they certainly weren’t being formally introduced, she immediately knew who it was. Here was her gremlin – her very own personal demon, just sitting there as bold as brass, and looking decidedly pleased with himself.

He got to his feet, proudly straightening himself up to his full height. He was nearly three feet tall. Then he bowed deeply and sarcastically to her. He was dressed in a black raggedy tunic and breeches, with a red pixie cap and pointy shoes. A red, corded belt was pulled tightly around his paunchy belly.

Just as Miss Maribelle – in her breezy story telling classes at Tregorwick Castle – had taught her, a few short years ago; her gremlin said nothing with words, but conveyed all he had to communicate with the vibration of thought and emotion. “Ah, so good to meet you at last, Miss Ariel. My name is Martrucio,” he insinuated. “How do you do?”

Ariel, rooted to the spot with surprised fascination, just stared at him. Then her mind started to turn as she looked him over and took him in: apart from the obvious fairy tale dress code, he was ordinarily obnoxious. When she looked closer, there was something quite familiar about his facial features, but she couldn’t quite work out what it was.

He looked up at her insouciantly. “I look like you, you ugly baboon.”

Ariel recoiled. “Get out!” she yelled.

“No.”

“Get OUT!!!”

“No way, young Missy. I’m here to stay.” And then to her horror, she realised that he was now clinging tightly to her right leg. She frantically tried to beat him off, screaming and pushing at his shoulders with her hands, yet he continued to hang on, implacably.

Realising that her desperate attempts to release his grip were fruitless, she ceased her physical tirade and took stock with several deep breaths. It was then that she noticed his foul stench. Martrucio it turned out, had a distinctly nasty and mouldy sort of odour that clung relentlessly to the back of her nostrils. “Please let go of me” she pleaded silently.

The gremlin smiled ingratiatingly and released his grasp. He then assumed – what she soon came to recognise as – his favourite position – just to the back of and several inches away from her right leg. This meant that he was always both close enough and far enough away, to be just on the fringes of her sight-line and her consciousness…

Ariel tried to remember what she had been taught as child about the management of the miniature, personalised nightmare which now lurked beside her.

“Oh, you’ll get to know me well enough, Miss. But manage me? Never!”

Before she had time to react, he’d gone. At least, he’d gone from her room. To her horror she now heard the sound of smashing crockery coming from the kitchen, below.

She hurtled down the stairs and there he was, hurling her mother’s best crockery onto the brittle linoleum floor – plate, by painstaking plate. “That’ll show her!”

“Oh God, oh no – stop this. She’ll kill me. She will absolutely beat the living daylights out of me” Ariel shrieked.

Martrucio theatrically dropped a large oval serving platter – her mother’s pride and joy – with relish, smiling his acquiesce as it fell and shattered spectacularly into a thousand pieces. He stood back to admire his work. There were shards of colourful ceramic scattered all over the kitchen floor and across the formica table.

In anguish Ariel crouched down to pick up the broken pieces, slicing a large cut into her left thumb almost immediately. She howled out in fearful fury as blood dripped down to mingle in with the mess on the floor. She rocked back on to her heels and put her throbbing thumb into her mouth to suck the blood away. Motionless now, Martrucio watched her and she felt his gloating victory.

Crying now, adrenaline rushing through her body, Ariel’s heart was hammering and her mind was racing. She couldn’t hide this ceramic catastrophe. She couldn’t blame anyone else or cover over her tracks. Who the hell was going to believe that the actual culprit was a three foot high gremlin who was only visible to her?

Ariel thought she was in serious danger of losing her sanity, but one thing she knew in that moment, with absolute certainty; was that her mother was going to be absolutely furious.

~ Sandra Peachey ©

PS: “Thank you for sharing your letters with us all. You have such a wonderful gift with words. … Wishing you joy.” ~ Monique Blackmore

This is just one from the many hundreds of comments I had when I did my first blog challenge 4 years ago.  The post above is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you… It is of course the perfect Valentine gift. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 22 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered.  As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels to me like arranging a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to boost the content of this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which will stand alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my book design.

The Story of Gremlins

“But I want to stay with you, Daddy” Ariel protested, refusing to let get of his hand.

“I know, Sweetheart, but Daddy has to do some work for a few hours. Besides, you’re a big grown up girl of 8 now. And it will be fun to be with the other children for a while.”

Ariel was not convinced. She folded her arms and pouted. “But you said it was school. I’m on my holiday now, I don’t want to do school!”

“Oh what a face, Ariel Angel. Look, it’s just for a couple of hours and it’s not like school back home, I promise. And you’ll like Miss Maribelle. She’s going to tell you lots of interesting stories. Go on, sweetheart. Look, here’s Miss Maribelle now. You go with her and the other children and I’ll see you at afternoon tea. Go on, be a good girl now Ariel.” He kissed her on the top of her head.

The eponymous Miss Maribelle, followed by a small gaggle of Emissariat and Island children met them in the corridor. “Ah, this must be the littlest Miss Tregorwick. How do you do, young lady?” she asked.

Ariel said nothing in reply and tried to stamp and stand her ground, but her father passed her little hot hand into the cool grasp of the young woman who had met them. “Come along then, we’re in the Conservatory today,” said Miss Maribelle, tugging Ariel away from her father. Unwillingly Ariel went along with the little throng, twisting back to watch her father wave and then walk away in the opposite direction.

Miss Maribelle tugged at Ariel’s hand to turn her back around and marched peremptorily on. “Come on, everyone – this way.”

Ariel was determined to be difficult and looked her new adversary over. Miss Maribelle was clearly a grown up, but quite a youngish one. Her long blonde hair was braided into 2 plaits, which were wrapped over the top of her head. Wisps of hair escaped untidily from their braided bonds. Under her large round blue eyes, she had a small pointy nose and a thin lipped little ‘O’ of a mouth, which all made her look strangely childish. Despite the fact that make up was not allowed in this place, this lady’s eye lashes looked suspiciously thick and long. She wore a colourful, floaty, somewhat shapeless hippy style dress and her feet were encased in flat summer sandals.

She marched them all down to the Conservatory, which was perched precariously at the far end of the Castle. The ceiling to floor windows overlooked the sheer drop of Bransome Cliffs and what was today – a grey, but flat and calm sea.

Despite the silence of the assembled children, Miss Maribelle clapped her hands for attention. “Take a cushion each, children and sit down, around me – here.” She indicated a tall wicker chair, in amongst the tall pot plants, which she settled herself into. Next to it was an untidy pile of colourful, hand embroidered cushions.

Ariel hung back whilst the other children took their pick; then, as she could see that they were all agreeably acquiescing to their assembled fate, grabbed herself a yellow cushion, embroidered extravagantly in neat, tiny chain stitch depicting purple violets with spikey green leaves. She sat down at the back of the group and picked at the stitches on her squishy seat absent-mindedly.

Ariel counted the number of children sitting around her. There eight in all – the three Tegarn kids sitting in a row, her cousins Rosie and William and two others she didn’t know. Sharon and Janey Tregarn were paying close attention to their teacher, as were all the other children; except Luke, who was staring through the glass wall, at the sea.

“In today’s Holiday Class, I’m going to tell you all about the little ‘dyowlow’ in our lives. Now – who knows what dyowlow means?

“Devils. Cornish for devils” Luke Tegarn said flatly, not even turning his head.

“That’s right Luke. Remember to raise your hand before you answer, in polite consideration.” Miss Maribelle responded with sweet sternness. Luke continued staring out of the window and raised his hand. “I thought we were here to talk about gremlins and demons today, Miss…, but may be you don’t know the Cornish words for them.”

“Well thank you Luke Tregarn, but we are not here today for a lesson in Cornish language…”

“Good job then, tebelvenyn.”* Luke muttered. The children giggled.

Miss Maribelle raised her voice to silence them. “I will do the speaking, unless I ask any of you to speak. Now – to continue. You all know about Satan – the devil. As God’s most evil adversary, he pushes his dark intentions out into this sun lighted world of ours. To do this he has a legion of many workers, and these include many minor devils, or demons, in his employ. They go by many names and have many forms, but today we are going to talk about our own personal demons or gremlins…

Despite herself, and Luke’s quiet attempts at rebellion, Ariel found that she was drawn into Miss Maribelle’s tales. Over the next couple of hours their teacher told them that everyone had a personal demon who could appear to them, at any time in their lives, but who usually introduced themselves to each of us, somewhere in most people’s teen years. These ‘dhamonae’ or personal demons were the harbingers of dark, dangerous thoughts and bad behaviour.

Ariel looked at Luke’s sulky back and smiled, thinking that his gremlin had clearly arrived and was sitting in this glass house amongst them all. And as if that miniature demon had just poked Luke in the back – right at that moment he stealthily turned round to wink at her, then swivelled back to gaze at the sea.

The lesson continued and Miss Maribelle told them how the dhamonae could take many shapes and come and go from their lives at any time. They all needed to be aware that these creatures existed, but not to be a feared of them, for they were as normal and natural as anything under God’s sun. These colourful gremlins, she explained, could seem to friend you or they could seem to fight you – so everyone had to learn how to deal with them.

The first way was to acknowledge them, for they love attention. Next you had to tell them firmly how to behave and to keep them in check; for if left to their own devices they could lead you on to evil ways.

Suddenly all Miss Maribelle’s words were at an end. “And that is the end of today’s little lesson children.” She clapped her hands again. “Come now. Put your cushions back in the pile and let’s go down to the dining room for afternoon tea.”

Ariel stretched her arms out in front of her, then stood up. She noticed that Luke had already got to his feet and was pressing his nose against one of the large thick panes of conservatory glass. She grabbed his cushion, abandoned on the floor and threw it onto the messy pile, then followed the chattering crowd of children out of the room.

“Ariel Angel” Luke said, “Come on out! I know where we can find some gulls eggs.”

“No Luke – can’t come. Have to see my daddy and have a nice big piece of angel cake. There are fairy cakes too and shortbread biscuits.”

“Don’t then. Be boring. Get fat eating all that cake. Daddy’s girl.” Luke ran past her and out of the door, where his sisters were waiting for him. They rolled their eyeballs as he pushed by, ran down the corridor and out of the side door to the gardens. He was gone.

“Well then” said Sharon. “Let’s go eat cake then.” She held out a hand to Ariel and Janey followed suit.  Ariel took their hands giggling and together the threesome walked down the corridor, hands swinging, to go claim their cake.

* evil woman

~ Sandra Peachey ©

PS: “What a fab idea…  Thanks for sharing, you are a wonderful writer, I look forward to reading the next one!” ~ Lyn Bromley
“Loving this – we are all blessed with your writing, your love & your courage.” ~ Lucie Bradbury.

These are a couple from the many hundreds of comments I had when I did my first blog challenge 4 years ago.  The blog post above is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you… It is of course the perfect Valentine gift. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 21 of 29

As a child I was happy to create stories and loved the escapism that they offered.  As an adult, I have now returned to the fiction form and have embarked on writing my first novel (of a trilogy). It’s a blend of semi auto-biographical and fantastical elements, which feels to me like arranging a giant patch work quilt of my life: There are some favourite scraps of my own old clothes, which I am adding to, embellishing and turning into a brand new pattern…

Part of my blog challenge this month is to boost the content of this first fiction book.  Each excerpt, which will stand alone on this blog – will eventually be woven into the larger fabric of my book design.

Fiction: The Gift – Continued…

“Ariel!” The voice of her Aunt Sarah abruptly bought her back down to earth. “Ariel, Darling – where are you?”

Ariel laughed nervously “I’ve got to go. I’m being summoned…” In equal emotional amounts she wanted to stay in this moment with Oliver and she also wanted to run away.

Oliver smiled “So I hear. Thank you for accepting my gift, Ariel.” He got off his knees and sat back in his chair.

Still he didn’t touch her or kiss her. Why? Was she misreading this? Was he scared to? Did he regard her as family? What in heaven was going on here?

Ariel stood up, leant over and gave him a hasty kiss on the mouth. “Thank you again Oliver” she said, looking in to his eyes. Once more he gave that slow slight smile of his, but did nothing more.

Ariel bolted out of the room, blushing. “Save me a dance after midnight” Oliver said softly to her back as she ran down the long corridor towards the kitchen.

Her heart hammering, she detoured into the downstairs toilet to cool her cheeks and check her emotions. “Ariel… are you in the loo?” Aunt Sarah sang out in the corridor.

“Yes, I’m in here, Auntie, won’t be a minute – coming!”

When Ariel had calmed down and finished fanning her hot face, she checked the mirror to see what her countenance would reveal to the world. She was both elated and scared. She wondered too if she had just dreamt that scene back there in the Reading Room with Oliver, but there was the pendant hanging round her neck. She held the bright beautiful object in her right hand and closed her fingers over it. It was real enough.

Hiding over, she ran the rest of the way to the kitchen and fortunately everyone was too busy preparing for the evening’s ceremonies and celebrations to pay her any mind. She grabbed an apron, tied it on and knuckled down to finishing off the food preparation. She squeezed lemons for the homemade lemonade and lined up bottles of ginger beer and fizzy elderflower in readiness.  Next she loaded laden dishes of food on to the kitchen trolley and wheeled it precariously down the corridor to the dining room.

The evening passed in a blur of activity. More and more guests poured in to the Castle and made their way to the Great Hall. Rows and rows of chairs had been set out in audience readiness.

When everyone was assembled, the Rector walked ceremoniously to the front of the Hall and raised his hands. Everyone quietened and he started chanting the first solstice incantation. On the second verse, everyone joined in and intoned along. They all knew the words by heart. The whole service was lilting and beautiful. Together, nearly 60 people incanted and sang together in gorgeous, almost angelic harmony.

She was pleased to see that the Tregarns were all there, sitting together a few rows back. Sharon was married now and 7 months pregnant with her first child – she waved at Ariel across the Hall. Marriage clearly suited her – she had somehow always seemed serenely adult and now she was in her element. Janey was clearly excited by everything going on in the room, her eyes darted around incessantly and she didn’t even seem to register that Ariel was there – she certainly didn’t acknowledge her. Next to his sisters sat Luke. He looked exactly as he did when he was a teenager all that time ago; except that he was taller now and his lean frame had filled out to solid muscle. He was smartly dressed, but already his tie had been loosened and the first button of his shirt was undone. When he caught Ariel’s eye he executed a mock bow from his seat, with an extravagant hand gesture. Ariel responded by sticking out her tongue.

Throughout the service, much as she loved sitting next to her father and joining in with feigned gusto, Ariel felt overly self-conscious. She sensed the strange weight of the pendant pulling down on her neck. She wondered where Oliver was, and if he was watching her. She scanned the room nervously several times and finally saw him, standing at the back of the hall, deep in quiet conversation with another man she didn’t know.

At last the final incantation was uttered and the Rector instructed that they pick up their chairs and rearrange them all around the sides of the room, so that the feasting and celebrations could begin.

As Ariel scraped and bumped the heavy wooden chair to the nearest wall, Aunt Mary was suddenly in her way. “What is this?” she said, grabbing the pendant and pulling at it none too gently. Ariel simultaneously swiped at her aunt’s hand and dropped the chair. “Where did you get this from, Ariel? What is going on?”

Aunt Sarah and Aunt Rebecca also appeared at her elbow. “Ah! You’ve seen it too sister” Sarah intoned smilingly, pointing at the pendant. “Leave the child alone Mary, let her enjoy the party – do. There will be time enough for explanations and negotiations later.” Mary, however stood her ground in front of Ariel.

Aunt Sarah raised her eyebrows at Mary and Aunt Rebecca raised her hands in a ‘just let it be’ gesture of supplication. “Well go on then, Ariel. Carry on as you were.” Aunt Mary snapped and stepped smartly out of the way.

It was all so disconcerting… What had her Aunts meant?  The pendant seemed to signify something beyond Ariel’s puzzled understanding, and had they mentioned ‘negotiations’…?

That sweet, strange private moment she’d had with Oliver, now seemed all too weird and… public…

Ariel did her best not to drag the heavy chair the rest of the way, with only partial success. She was overwhelmed by all the noise and people all around her. She wanted to just disappear and be left alone. Without thinking she ran for the sanctuary of the narrow door that led up the tiny stair well to the Minstrels Gallery.

Clicking the latch open, she slipped in and shut the door behind her, instinctively feeling her way forward towards the bottom rung of the stairs, in the darkness. The door behind her quickly opened and closed quietly again. She froze mid step.

It was if a flickering shadow moved in behind her, filling up all the space at the bottom of the stairs. Suddenly, from behind, two hands covered her eyes.

“Guess who?” he said.  Oliver had followed her in here.  Her heart leapt.

“Happy Christmas, Angel Ariel.”

It wasn’t Oliver. Ariel whipped round, as her brain registered who it actually was. “Luke Tregarn. What the hell are you doing? You scared the life out of me.”

“Blimey, never heard you swear before. Haven’t had the chance to wish you Merry Christmas, Angel Ariel. That’s all. Angel Ariel. Christmas Angel Ariel you are…” he tailed off guffawing to himself.

“Bloody hell Luke, you’re drunk! How did you manage that?” She could now see his face as her eyes grew accustomed to the grey darkness.

“Hoy oy, stop the swearing. What – oh, yeah, well the no alcohol, teetotal rules of Tregorwith Island may reign supreme within these four walls, but there have been smugglers on these islands for hundreds of years, Miss Christmas Angel Ariel and I just happen to be one of them.”

“Well don’t let any of my Aunts smell that brewery breath on you. Between them, they’ll throw you out to the sharks.”

“Nah, well, it’s too cold for sharks this time of year. And… needed Dutch courage…”

Ariel sighed. She had snuck into the Minstrel’s stair well to be alone and now Luke was here, ruining her solitude and talking in strange, beery riddles.

“What’s the sighing for? Don’t be sad, Christmas Angel, I’ve come to claim my Christmas kiss” he said as he grabbed each of her arms and pulled her to him.

“Stop it Luke! God, you are drunk. Get off!” she said, shoving him away and running up the stairs to the gallery. Behind her she could hear him stumbling and swearing as he made his way up after her.

She wondered about escaping down the smugglers tunnel on the way up, but decided it would be too cold and damp, so instead sped rapidly upwards, stepping out into the light at the top of the stairs. She guessed that even now she was grown up and taller, she could still stand close to the wall, in her secret spot where she could see the Hall and not be seen. She could also at a push, push Luke Tregarn back down the stairs, no matter how big and burly he had now become.

Sure enough, he huffed up in to sight.

“Get back down those stairs and leave by the Smugglers Tunnel” she commanded. “If we’re seen together here, we are both in very big trouble.”

“Calm down Angel Ariel. You’re not being very festive are you? I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, but you won’t bloomin’ well give me the chance, will you. Come ‘ere” he said grabbing her left wrist. “Got something… Hold still woman…” There was a flash of silver and a chink of metal and Ariel’s wrist felt suddenly heavy. For a strange split second she thought he’d handcuffed her.

“Blimey woman, make it hard for man to give you a present, don’t you?”

Puzzled, Ariel looked down to see a bracelet, made of silver links, dangling from her wrist.

“Look” he said, very pleased with himself. He skewed the bracelet round and showed her the one small charm attached to it. “It’s a charm bracelet, ready to fill up with… er, charms, and I’ve started with a little silver bike, Christmas Angel Ariel”.

“A bike? Er… What?” Her bewildered brain wondered if she was the one who was drunk…

“Reminded me of when I took you pillion on me bike, that time on the mainland, Angel Ariel. You remember.”

“Sort of…” she said, “but…”

“Quiet now”, he cut in. “Let me say this. That was 10 years ago and I knew. Every summer Angel Ariel. Yeah and I knew your Aunts and the bloody Emissariat wouldn’t like it, so I kept my distance. I’m good at all that. But I was watching and waiting. And then I thought your Dad, well he’d be OK with it. He’s a decent bloke, he married out. He’d understand. But then at the end of every summer you’d go away again.”

Ariel wondered about telling him to shut up; but her ego was intrigued, so she kept on listening…

“And you’re so sweet and quiet like aren’t you? Who can ever tell what you’re thinking. You’d go away home to the Midlands and be with who knows bloody who. But I know how this lot work and how protected you are, so I held on to my hope. And then you bloody went to University and, well, I really thought I’d lost my chance to ever say anything to you. But you came back Angel Ariel, you came back and you are here and I just had to tell you, I just had to ask you… to think about me, and to know me Ariel, really know me; before they go and hitch you up with some public school, toffee nosed idiot…”

He stopped suddenly. “What’s this?” he said accusingly, pulling at the pendant around her neck. “Oh God, I’m too bloody late. You’ve got a sodding Pledge Pendant. Jesus! French by the look of it. It’s that bloody pseudo git, Oliver / sodding Olivier isn’t it? I might have bloody known!”

“Luke, please lower your voice. It’s Christmas, OK, I’m getting presents left, right and bloody centre – ha, ha!” Ariel said, shaking her silver be-decked wrist sarcastically in his face.

“Have they negotiated the Bonding Contract yet?”

“Do what? What are you talking about, it’s just a bloody present. Look, you’re drunk. It’s the beer talking. Just leave, Luke – go out of the Smuggler’s tunnel and sober up. Please don’t let them see us together.”

To her surprise he started sobbing “Ariel, Angel Ariel, don’t do this. We can still stop this. Be my girl. We don’t have to draw up any stupid contracts or enter into negotiations, just try me Ariel. I love you – I’ve bloody loved you for 10 years now – look I’ve said it. Don’t marry that French git. Just try me. No promises, no contracts. Just you and me. Come on!” He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her down the stairs.

“No Luke, what the hell are you doing? Stop this. Stop this, please!”

He stopped and turned back towards her, keeping hold of her wrist. “I know how to stop this now.” He pulled Ariel to him and kissed her, hard on the lips, forcing his tongue into her mouth. Then he pulled back, grasped her shoulders and looked into her soft shocked eyes. “I’m going to ruin you Ariel Angel, ruin you and free you. Then I promise you, you can make whatever choices you want.” He pushed her down onto the stairs. “I’m sorry it’s this way my love, but it’s the only way. If you’re not a virgin, they’ll have nothing to bargain you with. Come now, I promise you…”

“Jesus Christ, Luke Tregarn. Get the fuck off me! If I have to bloody scream for them to find us, I will! Ariel slapped him soundly across the face, kneed him in the balls and sat up sharply.

He staggered back. She slapped him again. “How could you Luke? My god!”

She saw tears streaming down his face. “I’m… sorry… oh my fuck… Ariel… I could die. I can’t fucking believe that I wait all this time and this… This! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! What have I done?”

“You were going to take my virginity and fucking rape me, you drunken bastard. Just go!”

He started to speak again.

“Just, fucking, go!” she said.

He backed off down the steps and she heard him opening the wooden panel which was the door to the tunnel. There was a rush of salty air and a sigh of wind before he pushed the door to behind him.

She sat in the dark and hugged her knees to her chest. Her head was spinning. She scratched at the bracelet to find its’ catch and release it from her wrist, but she couldn’t see it or grip it in the dark. Instead she pulled the pendant up and off over her head.   She started to cry with shock and confusion, rocking herself back and forwards. Why was this happening? Her head couldn’t take it all in.

She took some deep breaths to steady herself and wiped the tears off her face with the heel of her hand. Her awareness came back to the noise and hubbub on the other side of the door.   The six piece orchestra had struck up a dance tune. When had the music started?

She didn’t know what to do, except that right now she couldn’t face Oliver or her Aunts or anyone else. She just wanted to be on her own.

Quietly she clicked the latch on the door and slipped out into the bright lights of the Great Hall. She saw Oliver, way over in the corner, catch sight of her and move in her direction. She turned away from him and saw her father by the entrance, chatting to The Scrivener, and made her way over to him, instead. “Daddy, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel well, I’ve got a headache. I’m going to bed – OK?”

“Alright then, my love” he said, sounding surprised “if you’re sure. But let me wish you a Happy Christmas first,” he said, holding out his arms for a hug.

“Headache Dad. Tomorrow!” Ariel said, bolting out the door, down the corridor, and sprinting up the stone spiral stairs to her  bedroom.

Shutting the door behind her, she threw herself on the bed, ready to start crying all over again.

~ Sandra Peachey ©

PS: This blog post is a fiction and yet I also write about my own experiences.  In fact a collection of my ‘Peachey Letters’ have been gathered together in to a beautiful book, exploring all the facets of my ‘real’ life in all its’ badness, banality and beauty. This is love seen in every aspect of the life that I live.  In it you will find the dark and the light of love in every facet of existence, in a way that will make you think, entertain you and let you know that you are not alone in life, whatever it holds for you. You can buy ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ by Sandra Peachey, from book websites anywhere in the world, including on Amazon (in both Paperback and Kindle)…

February 2016 Blog Challenge: Blog 17 of 29

Today I am returning to the Peachey Letters format, where I contemplate the people and phenomena that shape my world. In doing so I analyse, understand and work through all of life’s undulations. This post then, has come about as I see a loved friend going through a prolonged period of mental anguish…

Love Letter to The Stranger

Dear Stranger

I remember the time when my mother was admitted to hospital, due to a long drawn out episode of psychosis. She woke up one morning, having packed her psychological bags and had gone away with the (most peculiar troop of) fairies.

So, my brother bitterly said at the time – the mother we knew – had, for all intents and purposes died; although she lived and raved right there, in front of our very eyes.

Actually she came back from that trip away with the fairies, but she never was quite the same, ever again…

And now I see someone else that I love going through some very strange life machinations and as I try to make sense of it all, in to my mind comes a Billy Joel song that I love, called ‘The Stranger’…

It starts with a sublime (lounge bar) piano solo, and when it has pulled you in and lulled you with its’ lilting melody, is gently joined by a whistling accompaniment – simultaneously harmonising with and piercing through the smoothness; then it changes abruptly into a scrumptiously sleazy electric guitar riff. Next, the words kick in: “Well we all have a face that we hide away for ever, and we take it out and show ourselves when no one is around. Some are satin, some are steel, some are silk and some are leather, they’re the faces of the stranger and we love to try them on…”

I’m minded of this song as I contemplate how the personalities of those we (think we) know and love can alter so radically…

How does this work? Well think of a lover, that special someone you shared all that laughter and passion with in the past. Then time passes and now, in the present they have become unrecognisable. They have the same face, and the same voice, but have transformed into a doppelganger of that loving person who was with you once. Now they are against you. That happy shared past you had together, has passed in to an altered, argumentative present.

Or have you seen someone strong you once knew, go through an illness (physical or mental) and change? You witness them over time, gradually or suddenly metamorphosing from past to present. Where once they were defined by their boundless characteristics; they are now dragged down by their suffering.

They were the person you knew and loved. But here in the present they are The Stranger.

These transformations often make no sense to us emotionally… We are devastated by the change because we remember what that person was like and how being with them, felt. We had a pattern of togetherness and when that gets interrupted, our internal sense of rightness gets tilted mercilessly.

All sorts of emotions filter can through our consciousness as a result of such wanton changes – unease, betrayal, loss, grief, anger and helplessness to name but a few. Or sometimes The Stranger appears after a long, slow decline, creeping onwards until gradually we realise they are in the room with us.

If we lived in the psychological past, maybe such transformations wouldn’t happen. If we stayed in that time where things or people were wonderfully or ordinarily in step, they wouldn’t change and we wouldn’t suffer the consequences. We’d still be stepping along rhythmically, whereas now we are running to keep up or waiting for someone else to catch up. And we realise, that actually we have become the The Stranger too.

All this bubbles up into my mind right now because I’ve just spent the day with someone I’ve known for most of my longish life. This is a friend who has been through a number of mental traumas, and a number of revelations, that frankly would have tested many to the limits. In the past 18 months she has gone through an almost 360 degree revolution in her perception of herself and her life. She has had to reassess relationships and face challenges. Now her psyche has had enough. Her brain has flipped and her emotions imploded, along with her sense of self and sanity shifting cataclysmically.

It has been tough to witness someone I have known for so long change so much and suffer so deeply. And neither do I forget all the others who have been touched by the same traumas and changes too.

These things start off a chain reaction of events and consequences beyond one person, just as they ignite a complicated, inter-related set of contemplations and emotions in everyone. I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me, the history my friend and I have is significant, and it binds us together. It keeps us together, through thick and through thin, because relationships are not just about a golden past, they are about a continuing present, which sometimes is ugly. This is one of those times when I choose to walk with the ugliness and ensuing heaviness, because even The Stranger cannot obscure the face of the person I love so much.

And this isn’t some holy than thou smug declaration of saintliness. I know I have lost friends when I have been through traumas which they haven’t seen through and have seen instead the face of The Stranger. Much as that has hurt, I try hard not to judge, as I also acknowledge that I have let go of people in my life too, for many sensible and unfathomable reasons.

But in the case of my friend, how wonderful it is that I can live in the past and remember who she was, which is also, by the way, who she still is, despite her suffering and strange behaviours.

So, as I stare at The Stranger who was my beloved friend, I hold the memory of our kinship in my heart. I count my blessings, as she feels cursed, because I am one of those who supports her. I feel I am helping in some small way because I know I bring her a little comfort and not least some distraction from her despair.

As a coach I’m keen to intervene, as supporting others is my own selfish satisfaction. But this isn’t my role in this. She hasn’t signed up as a client. My role is just to be there for her.

When I went to see her today, she was having a bad day. She reached out to me and cried in my arms, apologising for her senseless (and highly medicated) state. I told her not to worry about that. When it came to our being together, all she had to be to me was a friend and that, in that moment, meant doing absolutely nothing. I supported her in a myriad of small and stupendous ways today, borne of what I know of her, and what I know of me. Those tiny acts may mean everything and yet I know that they could all change nothing. But it is just important that I be there and do that right now, when I can – for myself as much as for her.

I have to be strong and take care of myself too, otherwise I would be of absolutely no use to either of us or anyone else in my circle of life.

Even The Stranger hasn’t stopped me loving her. Who knows, maybe sharing a room with ‘The Stranger’ will mean that I get to love her even more.

People we know and love, change. Sometimes we accept those changes. Sometimes we are the ones who change and we either move on together in life or go our separate ways.

Change, more often than not is tough and scary. If we are to survive it and see past The Stranger in others and ourselves, then we have to acknowledge it as being as natural as the passing of time. The acceptance of this means that instead of fighting it, we can put our energies in how best to manage it. Every situation will have its own solution, so my one simple strategy is to work it out, just one step at a time.

One of the gifts I bring to life’s party is that I have the ability to deconstruct a situation, plan or project and build it back up into what and where it needs to be. This process works for me in so many situations in life. For my clients and those like my friend who feel that the weight of this can be overwhelming, we break things down into small steps and then take those steps, just one at a time.

And in reality, what we ever do is only ever one step at a time; it’s just that the pace of those steps slows and quickens according to energy, emotion and circumstance.

So with The Stranger or with a friend, we can always walk forward, whoever we are with.

And since I started with the Billy Joel song called The Stranger, it also seems a good place to end:

“You may never understand how the stranger is inspired
But he isn’t always evil and he isn’t always wrong.
Though you drown in good intentions, you will never quench the fire.
You’ll give in to your desire when the stranger comes along.”
~ Billy Joel, The Stranger. From the Album of the same name.

Yours, sort of sincerely…
    Sandra
Coach, Author and Sometime Stranger

PS: “Just to let you know that your book has arrived… As a take on Tom Cruise in Jerry Mcquire – ‘you had me at page 1’.  Well done. You are an amazing writer, this book should be a film and I have only read 2 letters” ~ Beverley Jones

A collection of the ‘Peachey Letters’ from this blog have been gathered together – along with new material, into a beautiful book.  It makes the perfect present, for you and for your loved ones … You can buy Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life on my website here or from Amazon (in Paperback and Kindle), order it at any bookshop, or indeed buy it from all good book websites around the world…

PPS: Here is the song – to either remind you or introduce you, click here for a YouTube video, with lyrics…