Despite my anxiety of late, I went to bed last night, content. And I lay there counting my blessings, reciting all the people, things and phenomena I was grateful for. In my head I said I was grateful for a warm bed on a cold night, for a full belly, for the people that are close to me, for my car, my cat and so many other things.
I woke up again today with a smile and a stretch, pulling open the curtains on a grey day and greeted the world outside my window.
Slowly I came to, until my cat yelled outside my door that she wanted fuss and breakfast.
I followed her downstairs, feeling the knot of anxiety in my stomach slowly tightening with each step down, as I went to face the day.
It would have been too harsh to my senses to flick on the switches of my workaday lights, so I wandered round and turned on my Christmas lights instead, to feed off their soft glow and to slowly absorb what is next today…
I have some dread about what’s ahead, but I shall tread carefully and take one small step at a time.
I know now I am having some times of calm, times when the tight knot of anxiety unravels within me. I know too that it comes back – flexes and fluxes, trying to take me over. I accept that and yet I ask my fear to teach me, not to diminish me. Humbly, I know there are lessons still to be learnt and choices to be made.
But for now I simply choose to breath… out and in…
I trust implicitly that the rest of what ever needs to happen, as the day unfurls, will just BE…
Right now, I need to keep it simple. Sit with the soft light and listen to my cat purr.
Christmas has crept up on me, softly, and I am quietly embracing it.
And that is me right now. But know that for YOU, what ever the week ahead or the year or minute may or may not have in store for you, that this is YOUR Christmas, to do with what you will or no, in your heart or head.
Maybe you will celebrate, maybe be alone, maybe you don’t or won’t celebrate Christmas – but that’s OK, it’s still YOURS, whatever shape or sense it has. So whatever that is, I wish you well. I wish you inner truth, peace and clarity, but mostly I wish you CHOICE.